Coming Back
by DianneRose2016
Summary: Full summary inside and warnings. Buffy finds out that Spike is alive and Angel and Giles has been keeping it from her. Spike has spent six months in hell. He now has to try and deal with being back and all of the major changes since Sunnydale no longer exists. Buffy and the gang try to get Spike back to his old self with a threat from his past making an appearance and trouble.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: So this is a story that I have written, a different take on Spike's return after dying in Sunnydale saving the world. I don't know where I'm going with this, so bare-with me while I figure it out. I've changed it slightly so Buffy and Co live in London and not Rome. Mostly because I can. So read and review it keeps me inspired and gives me motivation to write more.**_

_**Summary: Buffy and Xander head to L.A to pick up a few new slayers. They never expected to find out that Spike is alive for the past three months or that he spent the last six months in a hell dimension after saving the world. Now it's up to Buffy and the Scoobies to try and help a vampire heal from his experience and deal with a vampire with PTSD and no interest in fighting. Warnings are per chapter. This one might have some bad words, but that's pretty much it.**_

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Chapter 1

Buffy walked into Wolfram and Hart just after eight at night. She, Xander and Andrew had been in California for the past five days looking for new Slayers. They had stayed in L.A simply because the airport was the largest and easiest access to a hotel and food for the new Slayers. Andrew had just left a couple hours ago with the six new Slayers they picked up and was heading back to London, where the main head quarter is for Slayer training. Buffy was supposed to be taking up that job along with a few other Slayers from Sunnydale. Faith and Wood had decided that they were going to stay in Cleveland and work on the small Hellmouth that was opening up there. They figured they would be able to keep an eye on it in case it became the next top Hellmouth now that Sunnydale was closed for business. It had been nine months since Sunnydale was destroyed to a crater and Buffy couldn't believe how slow the time was going. Buffy and Dawn had relocated to London as well as Willow and Giles. Xander had been traveling around the world, but now he was in London staying with Dawn and Buffy while he was looking for his own place. Xander had spent the first three months in London with everyone helping to get the headquarters set up. For the past six months Xander was helping to look for new Slayers in Africa, because he needed the escape after losing Anya in the fight. Now that it had been six months he was looking to settle back down and find a home and get back to his normal job. He wanted to open his own construction business again and he figured he would do it in London. Willow, Kennedy, Dawn, Buffy and Giles all lived there. Giles bounced back and forth between Rome and London, but he did spend as much time as he could in London. The Sunnydale potentials were there as well helping out with training the new Slayers. It had been a crazy past nine months, but Buffy couldn't help but feel like part of her was missing. She missed Spike, she had been grieving his death for the past nine months. She didn't date, she had no interest in even entertaining the idea of dating someone. Dawn and Willow had both tried to get her to go out with someone, but she just refused. Xander was the only one who understood oddly enough. He didn't want to move on from Anya yet either so he didn't push Buffy for her to move on from Spike. Xander didn't always like Spike, but ever since he got his soul for Buffy, Xander saw him in a different light. He truly was trying to be a good man and not a demon anymore. Xander knew that for Spike to get his soul he would be putting himself through hell with the guilt of what he had done. It impressed Xander that Spike would do that for Buffy, so he would never hurt Buffy like he did again.

Spike had fought beside them once again in an apocalypse when he could have just turned and left. Spike had died saving the world and he had closed the Hellmouth. Xander had saw him in a different light and he wished he could have done something to ease Buffy's pain. Xander knew she was grieving for Spike very hard. Even though Xander hadn't been supportive of her being with Spike, he could see that she did care about Spike and Spike did care about her. Xander wished he could have done something to help ease Buffy's pain, some way to bring Spike back. He had even asked Willow, but they didn't even know where Spike was. So every day since the day Spike died Buffy had been crawling through each day. She would get her job done, but there just wasn't a spark in her eyes anymore. She was just going through the motions again, but this time Spike wasn't around to help her get passed it all. They had become even closer in the last year in Sunnydale and at one point Spike had been the one person that Buffy had trusted the most and counted on the most. In the end he didn't let her down.

Buffy walked off the elevator at Wolfram and Hart and looked around. The place was huge and it looked like a law firm, it didn't look evil, but what could she honestly expect. Buffy wasn't really even sure why she was here. She had told Xander she wanted to see Angel, but she wasn't sure why. Ever since he took over this place she wasn't really sure where he stood. She had been informed of what Wolfram and Hart was and it didn't help ease her concerns. Giles definitely was not happy about it and very adamant about not having Angel involved in anything they do. He didn't trust Angel to being with and this just made it worse. Now here she was at Wolfram and Hart while Xander was back at the hotel. He really had no interest in seeing Angel and they did have to travel back to London tomorrow morning. Buffy walked over to the receptionist desk and she was shocked to see Harmony sitting there answering phones.

"Harmony" Buffy said with surprise to her voice.

Harmony looked up and gave Buffy a tight smile.

"Buffy, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see Angel. Where can I find him?"

"He's in a meeting right now, he can't be disturbed."

"Buffy"

Buffy turned around to see Wesley, a black man in a suit and a female in a white lab coat and glasses.

"Wesley, look at you. No more suit and tie." Buffy said with a smirk.

"Yes I suppose my appearance has changed since the last time I saw you." Wesley said with a smile.

"I like it." Buffy said with a smile.

"Thank-you. This is Charles Gunn and Fred, they work with Angel and myself." Wesley said.

"It's so nice to meet you." Fred said as she held her hand out to shake Buffy's hand.

Buffy shook Fred's hand and then Gunn's.

"So are you here on business?" Gunn asked.

"Sort of. Xander, Andrew and me have been going around California getting the new Slayers that have popped up. Andrew left earlier today with the newbies and Xander and me are leaving tomorrow."

"Right Willow's magic spell that changed the Slayer line forever. I was very impressed by what you have done. It's revolutionary." Wesley said.

"Thanks. It's a lot of work to get all the new Slayers organized and trained, but it's nice knowing that the fate of the world doesn't rest on my shoulders alone anymore."

"I would imagine being the only Slayer would be very stressful. I know Angel has had a hard time in the past with just dealing with L.A. I can't imagine having to defend a city built on a Hellmouth." Fred said.

"It was definitely hard." Buffy said simply.

"So are you here to see Angel or Spike?" Gunn asked.

Buffy looked confused for a moment before she spoke. "Um Angel didn't tell you? Spike died saving the world nine months ago."

"Um no… Spike is alive. I just saw him two days ago." Gunn said back confused.

"We must not be talking about the same person, because Spike is dead. I know he's dead he died almost in front of me." Buffy said still confused and trying to see if this was some kind of sick joke.

"Buffy, Spike is alive. He came back three month ago." Wesley said gently.

"Angel didn't tell you?" Fred asked softly.

Buffy didn't say anything for a moment. Her mind was going a mile a minute and questions were flooding her mind. Spike was alive was going through her head over and over again. Her emotions went all over the place in a matter of seconds. Joy, relief, sadness followed very closely by anger. He had been back for three months and he never contacted her. She should have known about this and Spike kept this from her. She told him that she loved him and even though he didn't believe her she thought he would have at least called to tell her that he was alive.

"He's alive?" Buffy asked softly.

"He is, has been for three months now." Wesley said carefully.

"How?" Buffy asked as her mind tried to process the information and the questions that were flooding her mind.

"The amulet. It had been sent here through the mail nine months ago. Angel never got around to opening it until three months ago. The amulet fell to the ground and Spike was released from it." Wesley told her.

"The amulet. Is he okay?" Buffy asked with concern and anger.

"He's um…" Fred tried to say, but Gunn saved her the trouble and helped her out.

"He's a little messed up. He came out of the amulet injured. He wasn't conscious and he actually spent a month and a half in a coma and then another two weeks after that in the hospital. He only left the hospital a month ago. Physically he's perfectly healthy, mentally is another story." Gunn said.

"He's not crazy though. He's not talking to himself or writing all over the walls or anything like that." Fred said in a hurry.

"Spike had been in hell for six months and that is giving him some trouble adjusting. He also has a seriously long scar on the left side of his forehead and that damage is giving him some memory problems. He remembers who he is and who Angel is, who you are. He remembers what happened to him in hell and how he got there. He does have a few black spots and trouble remembering everything about people. We're not sure how bad it is as he never knew any of us to begin with." Wesley said.

"He was in hell." Buffy said softly more to herself than to the others.

"He's getting better. It's only been a month though really for him to process everything. He was seriously hurt when he came out of the amulet. He's just a little skittish and jumpy right now. He tends to just stay in his apartment that Angel put him in." Fred said.

"Angel knew." Buffy said with anger to her voice and in her eyes.

"He did. He wasn't too happy about it. When Spike was released from the hospital we were able to convince him to have Spike placed in one of the smaller studio apartments that Wolfram and Hart owns. It's a basement apartment so there are no windows to worry about. Spike has been there for the last month." Wesley said.

"He doesn't go out and he doesn't fight. The three of us take turns going by to see him and bring him blood. He's struggling with it all." Gunn said.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Buffy asked with anger.

"Angel told us all that he called you and you didn't want to see him. He told Spike that in the hospital." Fred said.

"That's why we are surprised that you appear to have no knowledge of this. Either Angel didn't speak directly to you or he lied and he didn't call at all." Wesley said.

"I'm betting on not calling." Buffy said with anger.

"Why would Angel lie about this though? I mean, I know he and Spike have a shady and questionable past, but why would he keep this from you though?" Fred asked.

"Because Angel doesn't like that I love Spike." Buffy said through gritted teeth.

"Oh" Fred said.

"Where is he?" Buffy asked with anger.

"Angel is in his office over there, he's in a meeting though." Gunn said as he pointed to Angel's office.

"Spike is in an apartment down on Fifth Ave." Wesley added in case Buffy meant Spike and not Angel.

"You said he was messed up. What do you mean by that?" Buffy asked Gunn.

"He's got some problems mentally right now. Like Fred said he's a little jumpy and he doesn't leave his apartment. He's got some memory problems, but we don't know how bad, like we said." Gunn started.

"He's paranoid and gets anxious easily. He's not really good around large groups of people. He's picked up this bad habit somewhere in the last nine months where he scratches the back of his right hand. He doesn't even know he's doing it and he tends to do it when he's anxious. He must have picked it up while he was um… in hell because he was doing it after he came out of the coma. He doesn't really sleep with the nightmares." Fred added.

"I need to see him." Buffy said in a serious voice.

"Of course. One of us can drive you over there if you'd like." Wesley said.

"That'd be great thanks. I need to speak to Angel first though." Buffy said with her anger back in her tone as she started to walk towards Angel's office.

"Um Buffy he's in a meeting." Gunn called out to her.

"Don't care." Buffy said with a snap to her voice.

Buffy pushed open both doors to Angel's office and saw Angel sitting at his desk with two men in suits in the opposite chairs. They all looked up at the sudden interruption and Angel looked surprised to see Buffy standing there.

"Um Buffy. It's good to see you, but I'm kinda in the middle of something here." Angel said politely as he motioned his hand towards the two men in suits.

"He's alive. Spike is alive and you didn't tell me." Buffy said with a deadly anger.

"Buffy this is going to have to wait. I'm in a meeting."

"Don't care." Buffy said in a tone that Angel knew all too well. She wasn't going to be going anywhere until she spoke to him.

"Gentlemen, can you just give me a few moments to handle something and then we can continue on the contract." Angel said to the two men in suits.

The two men didn't look happy, but they nodded as they stood up and left the room. Angel leaned back in his chair as Buffy moved closer.

"You knew he was alive for the past three months and you didn't even bother to call and tell me." Buffy said with anger clear in her voice.

"It had been nine months. I figured you had long since moved on from his death. Besides it's not like I ever expected you to care if he was alive or not."

"I told you back in Sunnydale that Spike was in my heart and you just thought what? That him dying saving the world wouldn't affect me."

"Oh come on Buffy he didn't save the world. The amulet is what destroyed the Hellmouth; Spike was just the one wearing it. Besides you said he was in your heart that could have meant anything."

"Well then let me make this perfectly clear to you. I love Spike. You don't have to like it, but you will not get in my way. You told him that I don't want anything to do with him. He spends six months in hell and two months in the hospital from it and you tell him that. I knew you both hated each other, but I didn't know you hated him that much Angel. You have no right to keep him from me or me from him."

"Oh come on Buffy its Spike. I know him, I made him. I know what he's like. Just because he gets a chip in his brain and a soul doesn't mean he's good for you or for anyone."

"Yes when he first got the chip he was just trying to handle life without killing humans. Afterwards though he was there for me. He helped me protect Dawn and my mother. He was tortured by a hell God to protect Dawn. He was there taking care of her and keeping her safe while I was dead. He did that because he loves me. He went and fought to get his soul back even though he knew how much pain it would cause him to have it. How crazy the guilt would make him. He did it for me; he did it so he wouldn't hurt me. So the demon wasn't in control anymore. He did that for me, he wanted to be a better man and he was. For that last year he didn't make a single pass at me once. He was there to support me and stand by me even when he thought I was wrong. He was always on my side and it wasn't easy at times. You might know Spike, but you don't know William. I know William, because I've seen his heart and his soul. He's a good man and I love him."

"And what about me? You said you loved me."

"You were my first love Angel. I was sixteen and just a kid back then. Looking back what I felt for you at the time was real, but it was just puppy love. It wasn't true love. What I feel for Spike is true. He loves everything about me, even my faults. He's seen me at my worst and he has stood by me and supported me. The only time he's ever left was to get a soul for me. He's done more for me then you ever have. He understands me completely. He's hurt me in the past, but I've hurt him just as much. The past doesn't matter, that last year in Sunnydale is what matters. You were my first love and Spike might just turn out to be my last. For the last nine months I've felt like something is missing, like a part of me is missing. I've been grieving for nine months. I haven't dated and the thought of seeing someone makes me sick. You kept him from me for three months. Three months that I could have been here for him, helping him get better. I'm not gonna let you take any more time from me. Giles was right, we can't trust you."

"You think Giles doesn't know that Spike is alive? I called to tell him when Spike first popped out of that amulet. Why do you think he has kept you away from L.A? He doesn't want you with Spike. He wants a better life for you and that isn't with Spike."

"It's my life and my choice who I want to be with and no one else's. I'll deal with Giles when I get back."

With that Buffy stormed out of Angel's office leaving him with his self-pity. Buffy walked over to where Fred, Wesley and Gunn were standing. Harmony was sitting at her desk, but she was trying to eavesdrop as best as she could while on the phone.

"I need to see Spike and if I have anything to do about it he's going to be coming back to London with me." Buffy said to the three of them.

"I'll give you a ride over." Wesley said.

Fred pulled out a key from her pant pocket.

"Here it's a key to the apartment. He won't open the door for anyone. Try and stay calm when you are around him. His senses are really sensitive right now from being in hell. He's having a hard time with having their strength back to normal." Fred said as she handed Buffy the key.

"I just brought blood over to him a couple days ago. There is also a duffle bag with clothes in it. He hasn't put them away yet. He just washes them and puts them back in the bag. I think he wants to leave L.A, but he just doesn't know where to go or if he could even leave." Gunn said.

"Hopefully I'll be able to get him to come with me. Thank-you for looking after him." Buffy said with a small smile.

"He saved the world, kinda seemed like a shitty move not to look out for him." Gunn said.

"He's really sweet, which is surprising because of everything Angel told us about him. He'll sit there and just listen to you complain for hours if you need to. I'm going to miss him." Fred said.

"You can always call. Willow has my number." Buffy said.

"Come on, I'm sure you are anxious to see him. I'll take you over there." Wesley said.

"Thanks I do need to see him." Buffy said.

Wesley and Buffy went to the elevator and got on one when one of the doors opened. Wesley led Buffy through the underground parking lot until they got to his car. Wesley got into the driver side and Buffy got into the passenger side. Once they were settled Wesley took off for Spike's apartment. Buffy pulled out her cell phone and called Xander. It was just after eight thirty so she knew he would be up and waiting to hear from her. He didn't like Angel and he didn't trust him all that much either, especially after he became CEO of evil incorporated. After three rings he answered.

"Buffy, hey how did it go?"

"It's a, it's a long story, but it didn't go too well."

"What happened? He didn't hurt you did he?" Xander asked with anger.

Buffy gave a small smile even though Xander couldn't see it.

"No he didn't, not technically. Like I said it's a long story." After a moment pause Buffy spoke again. "I found out that Spike is alive."

There was a pause and Buffy knew Xander was trying to process what he had just heard. Finally he spoke.

"What?" Confusion was clear all throughout his voice.

"Long story like I said, but Spike is alive has been for three months."

"How is that possible? Why didn't we know about his?" Xander asked with a slight anger creeping into his voice.

"It had something to do with the amulet and we didn't know, because Angel and Giles felt that it wasn't important enough to tell us." Buffy said with anger to her voice.

"Spike not being dead isn't important to mention? Seriously? Has he been alive this whole time? Have you seen him?"

"He's only been back for three months and according to Wesley, Spike spent the first two months in a hospital. He was in a coma for a month and a half. I haven't seen him yet, Wesley is driving me to his apartment."

"Is he okay? Where has he been for the other six months?"

"He was in hell. According to Wesley, Fred and Gunn; people Angel works with, they said he was having some mental problems. He's not crazy, but he's not stable guy right now."

"He's spent six months in hell, I can't imagine he's perfectly fine with that. I mean we all figured he would be in hell, but we never expected him to come back from that. We all hoped that since he died saving the world that wherever he was wouldn't be too bad for him."

"Unfortunately that's not true. It's a long story and I'll tell you about it later. I just wanted to let you know and give you a heads up. I'm gonna try and see if I can get him to come back with us. He doesn't belong here. He should be with us, he should be with me."

"No ya definitely. He needs to come back to London where there are people that care about him and want him there. If you need any help getting him to come let me know."

"Thanks Xander. I'll text you if we're coming back to the hotel tonight. Maybe you can see him."

"Ya I'd like that. Let me know if you can get him to come back to London with us, because I'll change our flights so we leave after sunset."

"Okay right ya. I will. Can you do me a favor and call and tell Dawn and Willow. I know I should be doing it, but I want to make sure he's okay and I don't want to keep this from them any longer than it already has been."

"Ya I'll call Willow right after I'm done with you. Just worry about Spike and make sure he's okay."

"Thanks Xander for being so understanding. I know you weren't his biggest fan."

"Hey the guy died saving the world. He died saving all of our lives. He has a soul Buffy and ya at first I didn't think it would make a difference, but I saw the change in him. It made me realise that he wasn't born a demon, he was made into one. The soul just let his human side come out more and I liked what I saw. Plus he made you happy and with how miserable you've been since he died I'm not going to stand in the way of you being happy again. Even if that means it's with Spike."

"Thank-you, you don't know how much that means to me."

"Let me know how he is and if he's coming back with us so I can change the tickets. I'll call everyone and let them know. We'll get through this Buffy. We'll get him through this."

"I'll let you know if I can get him to leave with me tonight. Hopefully it won't be too bad."

"Hey wait, you said Giles knew?" Xander asked with confusion.

"According to Angel he called and told Giles that first day that Spike came back. Apparently Giles told Angel to keep it quiet. Which makes sense, because Giles has never sent me back to L.A always the other girls. He wasn't happy this time around that I was going. He kept telling me I have other responsibilities to attend to."

"This is insane. I get that he doesn't like Spike, but cone on the dude died to save all of us. He saved the world. He deserves some respect at least."

"I'll be dealing with Giles when I come back. Just tell Dawn and Willow that Spike is alive leave out the part about Giles. I want to tell them myself when we get back. I don't want to start a war before we even return."

"Alright, I'll get on the phone and give them a call. Text me if he's with you and about the tickets."

"I will. Thanks Xander I mean it."

"It's no problem. Good luck."

"I have a feeling I might just need that."

"You'll be fine. You and Spike had a strong connection. If anyone can make him okay again it's you. I'll talk to you in a bit."

"Ya ok, see ya in a bit."

Buffy hung up her cell phone and looked out the window. After a moment Wesley spoke.

"Spike does have identification papers. We got them for him in case he wanted to leave the country. He has a passport and a driver's license."

"Oh I didn't even think about that."

"We didn't want him to feel like he was trapped here. I think he wants to leave L.A, but he just doesn't know where to go. He's struggling with handling everything. Dying would be traumatic for a vampire especially the way Spike died. Spending six months being tortured in hell would have only made that worse. He's not crazy or mentally unstable. He understands what has happened and where he was. He can uphold a conversation he's just suffering from trauma right now. Hopefully seeing you, a familiar face will help him."

"I'll get him through it. I appreciate everything you guys have done for him."

"Like Gunn said, it didn't seem right to leave him on his own after everything that he did. From what I have heard he's changed in the last couple of years. Once we found out he had a soul it seemed wrong to leave him to figure it out on his own. Angel wasn't too happy about it, but he wasn't going to win against the three of us. He also has money that we gave him in case he did want to leave. Angel doesn't know about that so let's just keep it that way."

"He won't hear it from me. I don't appreciate being kept in the dark with this. Or that he told Spike that I didn't want anything to do with him. It's not true and it's not fair to do to him."

"When he did wake up in the hospital you were the first person he asked about. You could see the hurt in his eyes when he heard what Angel said. I think you are just what he needs to push through this and get to the other side."

"He has people who care about him in London He has a family. We'll get him through this."

Wesley pulled up out front of a small house. He put the car in park as he spoke.

"On the side, there is a set of stairs leading down to the basement. His apartment is down there. Be careful he might be confused with seeing you."

"I'll be fine. Thanks for the ride."

"Do you know how to get to your hotel from here?"

"Ya I do. It's only about ten minutes from here actually. So we can walk."

"If you ever need help just call. I know Angel taking over Wolfram and Hart seems like he's fighting on the wrong side now, but he isn't. We are trying to shut them down from the inside. Regardless Fred, Gunn and I are here for you if you ever need us."

"Thanks Wesley. You know for an Ex-Watcher you turned out pretty cool." Buffy said with a smile.

"Thank-you. You've grown into a very powerful and beautiful woman. I hope you are able to find happiness now that you are not the only Slayer in the world."

"My happiness is down those stairs. Hopefully I can get him back to normal."

"I'm sure you will. He loves you; that much is clear."

"Ya he does and I love him. The only difference now is I don't care what anyone has to say about it."

"Good for you. Life is too short to worry about what others think of you. You need to do what makes you happy not what will make everyone else happy. I'm sure Giles won't be too happy to find out you and Spike are in a romantic relationship."

"I don't care what he thinks. He tried to kill Spike before the final battle and he's kept this from me too. He knows how I feel about Spike and what my opinion is of him trying to kill Spike. Spike is the one that saved the world, if he had been killed there's no telling what could have happened."

"Stick to your guns and don't let anyone try and control your life. I made that mistake and it's one that I will always regret. If Spike makes you happy then the rest doesn't matter. If they truly are your friends and love you then they will accept it."

"Thanks Wesley. I'm sorry if all of this has caused you any problems with Angel."

"Don't worry about Angel he will get over it soon enough."

"Thanks for the ride. Be safe and take care of yourself."

"You do the same."

Buffy just gave a smile and got out of the car. Wesley watched to make sure she was safe until she went down the stairs and Wesley couldn't see her anymore. Wesley put the car in drive and he drove off heading back towards Wolfram and Hart to deal with a no doubt pissed off vampire. Buffy walked down the stairs and she pulled out the key that Fred gave to her. She paused for a moment before she put the key in the lock and unlocked the door. She put the key in her pocket and she opened the door. The apartment wasn't dark; there were a few lights on. Buffy could see it wasn't much of an apartment, just enough for someone to live in. It was a small studio apartment with a small bed, a couch and a TV in the whole place. Buffy didn't see Spike, but she could sense that he was in here. Sure enough a second later he walked out of the bathroom with damp hair. He was dressed in a long black sleeved shirt and light blue jeans. He looked up and saw Buffy standing there and Buffy felt so many emotions going through her. She was happy and relieved to see him, but she was also nervous and sad. She didn't know how he was going to react to her being there and she was sad, because she could see the pain in his eyes. He had a long scar that went from the middle of his forehead all the way down on and angle to his left eyebrow where it mixed in with his existing scar. Buffy could see the shock and confusion on his face. He was clearly unsure if she was even here to begin with.

"Buffy?" Spike said softly with confusion to his voice.

Buffy walked over slowly so she wouldn't startle him. She gave him a small smile. Once she was close enough she slowly brought her right hand up to the left side of his face. Once she touched Spike's check he flinched and closed his eyes. She could see him struggling to calm himself down. He was clearly prepared to be hit and not lightly touched. Buffy gave Spike a smile once he opened his eyes and she placed her hand against his cheek once again. Buffy couldn't help the single tear that rolled down her cheek when her hand didn't go right through him.

"It's really you." Buffy said softly.

Buffy gently move her hand so it traced the new scar on Spike's forehead. Spike once again flinched back, but Buffy just waited until he had calmed himself back down before she continued.

"Does it hurt?" Buffy asked softly.

"Headaches" Spike said softly with a shrug.

"Can I hug you?" Buffy asked gently.

Buffy could see Spike thinking about it for a moment before he gave a nod. It was clear to Buffy that it wasn't that he didn't trust her; it was that he didn't trust anyone touching him right now. Buffy didn't take it personally; she understood where he was coming from. He had been tortured in hell for six months; she wouldn't like being touch either. She gently placed her arms around his waist and placed her head against his chest. Spike carefully put his arms around her and she could feel him tense with her touch, but after a moment he slowly began to relax and he held onto her. Buffy could feel that Spike was thinner than he used to be. It was clear that he was only eating because he needed to in order to live and not because he wanted to gain the weight and muscles back. After a moment he spoke.

"I don't understand why you're here." He said with no confidence in his voice.

"I didn't know Spike. Angel never called to tell me, he lied to you. If I had known I would have been here this whole time." Buffy said as she still held onto Spike.

"He lied." Spike said with confusion to his voice.

Buffy moved so she could look at Spike and he could see her.

"Spike I meant what I said to you before you died. I love you and I don't care who knows it. I didn't know you were back or I would have been here through it all. I'm so sorry he lied to you."

"It's not your fault." Spike said as he let go of Buffy. Spike crossed his arms over his stomach and walked over to the other side of the room. It was a small apartment so he wasn't that far from her, but Buffy could tell the distance was helping him calm down. Spike leaned his back against the wall as he spoke.

"What are you doing in L.A?"

"After Willow's spell to turn all the potential slayers into slayers we've been going around trying to find them all. Andrew, Xander and I have been in California for five days now. We've gotten a few others to bring back to London with us. Andrew left with the girls earlier today and Xander and me are leaving tomorrow. I just went to see Angel. I saw Fred, Wesley and Gunn first though and they let me know you were alive. They thought I knew. When they found out I didn't they told me what happened and Wesley drove me here."

"How's Dawn? No that doesn't sound right, that's not what I called her." Spike said with confusion. He brought his hand up to where the scar was and Buffy could see he was in pain. Buffy figured that whatever happened to get that scar there, obviously damaged something in Spike's mind to give him the memory troubles.

"Niblet or Bit. That's what you used to call her. It was rare when you called her by her name." Buffy supplied to Spike.

"Niblet, that sounds right." Spike said to himself more than to Buffy. "Is she okay?" Spike asked Buffy.

"She's good. She's in high school in London with Amanda and a few of the other girls. The ones from Sunnydale, except for Rona are in London. Rona is in Cleveland with Faith and Wood. Um… Anya didn't make it out of the fight."

"She died?" Spike said softly.

"She did. She died saving Andrew's life."

"I'm sorry. How did Xander take it?" Buffy saw Spike move his left hand and begin to scratch the back of his right hand. Buffy could see that he was anxious and nervous about having her here. She could tell he didn't really understand why she would be here.

"Xander spent the last nine months traveling all over the world. He was in Africa for a while finding new Slayers for everyone. He's going to be coming back to London and settling down there. He wants to find an apartment or a house and start up his construction company again. He hasn't dated anyone, I haven't either. I called him in the car on the way here to let him know that you are alive. He'd like to see you and he's gonna call and tell the others too."

"Why would he want to see me?"

"Because he cares. We all care about you Spike. I care about you, I love you. I know you've been through something and it's not easy right now. I'm not asking for anything from you. I just want to be here for you."

Buffy moved across the room slowly. She stopped in front of him and gently covered his hands with hers stopping him from scratching the back of his hand. Spike looked down at their hands. He didn't even notice that he had been scratching his hand once again. Buffy could feel the tremble in his hands and she knew that it was from nerves and it would take a while before that shaking would go away. Buffy heard Spike let out a shaky breath and Buffy knew he was trying to calm his nerves down. Spike was trying to cope with everything, but it wasn't going to be easy doing it on his own.

"Come with me." Buffy said as she looked right at Spike.

"What?" Spike asked with confusion to his voice.

"Come with me to London. Dawn is there and Willow and Xander is there. Come back to London with me Spike. I know it's not Sunnydale, but it's our home now. Come home." Buffy said as she looked right at Spike.

She was praying that he would come with her. That he would want to be with her again and not here on his own. She didn't know what she would do if he said no to her.

"You want me to go with you to London? What about Giles and the others, you know they won't be happy to see me. Or that I'm around you."

"I don't care about Giles. I'm not letting anyone run or dictate my life anymore. As for the others they all miss you and they are going to be thrilled to see you, especially Dawn. Besides I know Dawn and me are the only ones you truly care about and we want you there with us. Come home where you belong Spike."

Buffy could see the hesitation in Spike's eyes, but after a moment he spoke.

"I don't want to complicate your life."

"You aren't. Spike you can ask any of them, I've been miserable since Sunnydale. I've missed you every single day since you died. I haven't been happy. I've just been doing my job and going home at night. I feel like a part of me is missing and that part is you. I love you and I don't want to keep going through life without you. I don't care what anyone has to say the only opinion besides mine that matters to me is Dawn and she has loved you for years now. I love you Spike, you make me happy. I want you to come home where you belong. We can figure the rest out as we go."

Buffy could see Spike thinking about it, but after a moment he spoke.

"I was never very good at saying no to you." Spike said with a lightness to his voice.

"So is that a yes?" Buffy asked with hopefulness.

"If you are sure this is what you want then you know I will."

"Yes this is what I want. I want you home where you belong."

Spike let out a shaky breath once again before he spoke.

"Alright"

"Come on let's go back to the hotel. Xander and me have tickets already for tomorrow morning. We can change them over to a later time and add one for you."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yes, but only if you want to. I know it's been a long time and maybe you don't want any reminders from Sunnydale." Buffy said and Spike could see the fear in her eyes.

"I love you, you know I do." Spike said as he looked right at Buffy.

"And I love you. I don't want to be apart any more than we already have. Come home with me please."

"Ok" Spike said nervously.

"Come on let's grab your stuff and your ID and we can go back to the hotel. Xander really wants to see you." Buffy said with a smile.

"I highly doubt that." Spike said as he moved away from Buffy to grab his clothes and ID to put it in the small duffle bag that he had.

"He's changed a lot since you've last seen him. Anya dying really made him change his view on life. He's the only one that truly understood what I was going through. He didn't push me to try and move on or to date anyone. He understood finally how much you meant to me. He's grown up a lot. He truly just wants us all to be happy and he's okay with you now. He finally realised how much you have changed over the years that we've known you. He missed you and he really is anxious to see you." Buffy said as she watched as Spike put the few articles of clothing in his small duffle bag.

Spike just gave a small nod and Buffy could see his anxiety picking up. Buffy didn't know what was causing it, but she figured it was a few things. He was anxious to be outside, he was anxious to be around Xander and the rest of them back in London. Buffy knew it wouldn't be easy on Spike to be back around everyone and handling everything that will be thrown at him. A lot has changed since he died and he will be getting a lot of information thrown at him about it. Buffy just had to let Spike know and make sure he understood that she was there for him. That he wasn't alone in this. Buffy went over to Spike and grabbed his hand gently. Spike turned to look at her and Buffy could see the pain in his eyes. Spike wasn't okay at all after what happened, but she couldn't expect him to be. No one could and Buffy wasn't going to let anyone give him a hard time about it. He had spent six months in hell for the world, so they could live. She wasn't going to let anyone push him around or try and take advantage of him.

"Hey it's going to be okay. I know you are struggling and that's okay. I don't expect you to be fine after everything that's happened to you. We're going to get through this together though, I promise. I'm not going anywhere Spike and I'm not going to let anyone pressure you or try and hurt you. I want you there with me and I know Dawn does too. Nobody else matters."

"I'm not okay." Spike said softly.

Buffy brought her other hand up to Spike's cheek and gave him a small smile.

"I know, but it's okay because we'll get through this together. I love you, we've fought beside each other through apocalypses; we've both died twice. We got through all of that and we can get through this. We'll take it one day at a time."

Spike just gave a nod and that was good enough for Buffy.

"Come on, the hotel is only about a ten minute walk from here."

"Ya okay"

Spike went over and grabbed his jacket. It was a leather jacket, but it only went down to his hips. His famous duster was destroyed when he burnt up. Spike then put his shoes on before he grabbed his duffle bag and together him and Buffy walked out of the basement apartment. Buffy sent Xander a quick text letting him know that Spike was coming back to the hotel with her and he would be going to London. All she could do was hope that everything was going to be alright.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Xander had hung up his cell phone after speaking to Buffy and he called Willow. He knew that Willow was going to spend the night with Dawn while they were away. It would be the middle of the night in London, but Xander knew this was something they would want to be woken up for. After five rings Willow finally answered the phone.

"Hello" Willow said with a tired voice. Xander knew she wasn't really awake yet.

"Will, hey it's Xander. I know it's late, but something has happened."

"What's wrong?" Willow asked with more clarity to her voice.

"You're still at the house with Dawn right?"

"Ya of course I am."

"Can you go into her room and wake her up? This is something you both need to hear."

"Xander what is going on?" Willow asked as she got out of her bed and headed down the hallway to Dawn's room.

"It's nothing bad, but it's something you both deserve to know."

"Alright one sec."

Willow went into Dawn's room and saw her asleep in bed. Willow went over to Dawn's bed and sat down on the side of it.

"Dawn sweetie, wake up." Willow said in a gentle voice.

Dawn let out a moan as she opened her eyes to see Willow sitting down on the side of her bed.

"Willow? What's going on?" Dawn asked as she rolled over onto her back and looked out the window to see that it was still dark out.

"Xander is on the phone, there's something he needs to tell us." Willow said as she hit the speaker button on her cell phone.

"Xander what's going on?" Dawn asked with fear and concern to her voice.

"Nothing bad has happened, but something has happened." Xander said calmly.

"So Buffy is okay?" Dawn asked with concern.

"She's fine Dawnie." Xander said to reassure Dawn that her big sister was in fact alright, pissed, but alright.

"What's going on than that required a middle of the night call?" Willow asked.

"Andrew left earlier today with the new Slayers that we found. Buffy and me decided to stay one more night here, because she wanted to at least see Angel. I don't know the whole story and she'll tell me later when she gets back. Um… there's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to say it. Spike is alive."

The line went dead and Xander knew that Willow and Dawn were both trying to get their mind around what they just heard. It took him a little bit to grasp the concept that Spike was alive himself and he didn't have that close of a connection to Spike that Dawn did. Dawn had done her best to move on, but it was still very clear that she cared and missed Spike. Dawn was able to move on a little easier than Buffy, because Dawn believed that Spike wouldn't have wanted her to be miserable forever. That he would want her to find happiness and enjoy the freedom that he was able to give her. Still it was still hard to move on from Spike especially after what he did for them all, for the world. A lesser man would have walked away and tried to save himself. Spike didn't, he stayed to destroy the Hellmouth and give them all the chance to have a better life. As far as Xander was concerned Spike had more than earned his respect and loyalty.

"What do you mean he's alive?" Dawn asked softly.

"I don't know the whole story. I just know that he has sent six months in hell, that three months ago he came back. He spent six weeks in a coma and then another two weeks after that in the hospital. Buffy was told by Fred, Gunn and Wesley, three people that work with Angel that Spike was struggling, but he wasn't crazy. Buffy was on her way over to his apartment when she was speaking to me." Xander said gently.

"But he's okay?" Willow asked.

"I don't know. Physically I think he's fine, but mentally and emotionally there's no telling how messed up he could be. Angel's team did say that Spike was struggling with it all. Buffy will let me know how he is later when she comes back."

"We can't just leave him there alone." Dawn said with hurt in her voice.

Xander knew that this would be a lot for Dawn to handle. It was why he wanted to let her know now instead of waiting for them to get back.

"Buffy is going to try and see if she can get Spike to agree to coming back to London with us. If he does then our flight will be in later, we'll have to wait for the sun to go down." Xander said.

"Who else knows?" Willow asked.

"I guess Angel did, but he didn't tell any of us. Angel told Spike that Buffy didn't want anything to do with him, so Spike stayed in L.A. and he didn't call her. Buffy is pissed off at Angel and she doesn't trust him anymore. She's going to text me to let me know if Spike will come back with us. I'm sure she will be able to convince him to come back with us." Xander answered keeping out the fact that Giles also knew. He knew Buffy wanted to deal with that herself.

"So you don't know what he's like?" Dawn asked.

"No I don't know. If Buffy can get Spike to come back to the hotel tonight then I can see him and see how he is. I'm sure Buffy will call you tomorrow to let you know how he is doing. I can always text you Will later to let you know if our flight plan has changed. I know you both have questions, so do I, but I thought you should at least know he's alive."

"But he was in hell for six months. He might never be the same again." Dawn said sadly and Xander could tell she was close to tears.

"What's important though is that Spike isn't there anymore. He's alive sweetie and we can help him get through this together. We owe him that much." Willow said gently to Dawn.

"She's right Dawnie; we can get Spike through this. I think Buffy will be able to convince him to come to London with us and we can all help him get better." Xander said.

"Should we tell the others or wait until we know if Spike is coming to London or not?" Willow asked.

"Let's wait and see what Buffy has to say about it. I don't know how she wants to handle Giles after what happened back in Sunnydale." Xander said.

"You think she doesn't trust him with Spike still." Dawn stated.

"I don't know if she does or not. Let's just leave it as her call on the matter." Xander said.

"We'll keep quiet about this until Buffy tells us what she wants to do." Willow said.

"Spike has bounced back before I'm sure he'll be fine in no time." Xander said more to appease Dawn than anyone else.

"Ya, you're right. He'll come back with you guys and everything will be fine. Maybe he'll help out with the new Slayers." Dawn said.

"I'm sure he will. Spike enjoyed helping out back in Sunnydale. He'll be happy to help again." Willow said with a smile.

"I'm going to go and let you guys get back to sleep. I'll text you Will and let you know what is going on." Xander said.

"Okay keep us posted." Willow said.

"Good night Xander." Dawn said.

"Night Dawnie." Xander said as he hung up his phone.

Xander checked to see if Buffy had sent him a text message, but she hadn't yet. He didn't think she would so quickly, but he was hoping to get one soon. Xander knew that him and Spike had always had this weird relationship. There were many times when they couldn't stand each other, but there were times when they had gotten along and fought beside each other. Xander knew that if it hadn't been for Spike stopping Caleb he could have lost both of his eyes or his life for that matter. It was almost like this brotherly relationship where they could hate each other so much, but they would always be there to back the other up. Spike had surprised Xander by throwing his life away to save the world and to destroy the Hellmouth in Sunnydale. He didn't need to go that far, but he did, because it was the right thing to do. There were many times where Xander didn't like Spike and he was sure that there would be many more times where he didn't like him. However, Spike did deserve his respect and loyalty, because it was clear they had his. Xander was going to leave the mistakes in the past and just focus on the future. He had to grow up and see Spike for who he is today and not what he used to be. Ever since he had gotten his soul back he had been trying to be a good man and he had proved that he could be. Xander wasn't going to keep making the same mistakes. He was going to be there for Spike through this, because Spike would do the same for him.

Xander sat down and waited for a text from Buffy, it came just over thirty minutes later. She had told him that Spike was coming back to London with them and she had managed to get him to come back to the hotel. Xander sent a quick text back letting her know that he will change the tickets over to tomorrow night just after sunset. That way they would get into London still at night for Spike. Xander also asked if she was going to be going back to her room or coming to his. He wanted to see Spike and see for himself how he was handling everything. Six months in hell was not going to be easy on him or anyone for that matter. Xander knew he would need to be patient and just see how Spike was handling everything. Buffy sent him a text back letting him know that they will come to his room for a bit so he can see Spike and she can tell Xander everything that she was told by Angel's friends. Xander knew that this was important to Buffy as well. She had been miserable for the past nine months without Spike. She had felt guilty about his death as well as proud of him. Willow, Dawn and Kennedy had been trying to get Buffy to move on and starting to date again, but Xander never pushed. Xander understood what Buffy was going through, because he lost Anya that day as well. He didn't get to be there with her when it happened just like Buffy didn't get to be there for Spike when he died. She got to hold his hand and tell him how she felt which was more than Xander got with Anya. So Xander never pushed her to move on, because he hadn't moved on either. It just wasn't easy to move on from losing someone you loved, especially to violence. Xander had seen the change in Buffy over the last nine months; it was like she had died in that school along with Spike and Anya. She wasn't happy; she was doing her job and functioning every day, because she had to, not because she was happy.

When they were all in that little motel afterwards and trying to come up with a plan for what they were going to do next, Buffy didn't even add anything. She just sat there and let everyone else decide how they wanted to do things. She didn't care what was going to happen now. She did what she was instructed to do and she went out every night to patrol and she helped to train the new Slayers like she was supposed to, but there wasn't any light in her eyes. Xander was hoping with Spike back maybe he could put that light back in her eyes. Xander didn't know how everyone was going to react; he didn't know how Giles and Wood would react. Wood and Faith were out in Cleveland, but they did come down to visit and to help with the training a few times a year. They were due to come back in a few days to help out again. It was no secret that even after Spike saved the world he hadn't earned any respect from Wood. Wood wasn't upset that Spike had died and he didn't care to hide it either. The new Slayers had all been upset that Spike was gone, especially the ones that had spent the longest with him. It was clear that the death of Spike hit everyone that had spent time with him during those last few months.

Xander had to admit even he missed Spike a little. He had changed over the months that he had his soul and it was hard to miss for anyone that had known him before he had fought for his soul. Even Xander had to admit that Spike had changed for the better and in the end it was Spike that had saved them all. They could have all been killed if Wood and Giles had succeeded in killing Spike that one time they tried behind Buffy's back. Xander knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he also knew it wasn't going to be easy for Spike either. Xander was sincerely going to try his best to be there for Buffy and for Spike. He was going to have Spike's back this time around, he deserved that much.

It was just shy of an hour later when Xander heard the knock on his hotel room door. Xander got up and did a quick check to make sure that the lights were on and there weren't any weapons around that Spike could see. Xander didn't know how Spike was going to be like and he didn't want Spike to feel that Xander was going to hurt him. Xander went to the door and opened it to see Buffy and Spike on the other side.

"Hey come on in." Xander said with a smile.

The three of them headed inside and Xander sat down on the edge of the bed while Buffy sat down in one of the chairs. Spike stood standing with his back against the wall facing the room. Xander could tell that he was having a hard time. Xander was so used to seeing the smirk on Spike's face and hearing the snide comments from him, comments Xander would snip back at and they would almost banter with each other. This Spike was different, his eyes were full of pain and he seemed anxious and nervous. This wasn't Spike; Spike was never nervous or anxious. He was always cool and collected if nothing else he was always confident in his abilities, he knew he could handle his own in a fight. Xander could see the back of Spike's hand was red and raw from what he didn't know. He could also see the large scar on the left side of his forehead that blended into his previous scar on his eyebrow. Spike was also looking around at anything and everything in the room like he was waiting for an attack. The first thing that Xander thought of was PTSD. Xander didn't know if vampires could even get that, but he remembered it from his military training way back when. Spike was displaying those symptoms of it right now.

"Spike, how have you been man?" Xander asked calmly.

"Dead." Spike simply answered.

"Well ya I meant besides that." Xander said with a smile.

"Fine. You?" Spike asked as he started to scratch the back of his right hand again. Xander took notice and figured that Spike had developed this nervous tick.

"I'm good. I've been traveling a lot."

"Buffy told me about Anya, I'm sorry she was a good girl." Spike said sincerely.

"Ya she was. She died saving Andrew's life."

"She always was a little slow." Spike said with a smirk so Xander knew he was just joking to make him feel better.

Xander smiled. "I told Andrew she was always doing something stupid."

"Anya was always one of a kind. Unfortunately Andrew hasn't gotten any more normal in the past nine months." Buffy said with a smile.

"So Spike has Buffy told you anything about what has been happening?" Xander asked.

"I've haven't told him yet. I figured we could do that. Did you change the tickets?" Buffy asked.

"Yup we board the plane one hour after sundown and we will get there around midnight. Spike, do you want to sit down man?" Xander asked.

"I'm fine. Buffy said you've been traveling around Africa." Spike said trying to get the conversation off from him.

"I spent almost six months in Africa going around collecting new Slayers. I spent the first three months helping out setting up the new council and the location. It's quite the organization we have going on." Xander answered.

"Organization?" Spike asked.

"Yup it's pretty world changing amazing actually. Our main setup is in London. Giles had started to set it up after the battle. We drove to a motel on the side of the road to get some rest and to get everyone patched up. We spent a week there just letting everyone heal up. Wood was hurt the worst I would say. He had a large gash in his side and he was bleeding pretty heavily. He also doesn't have magical Slayer healing powers. He recovered though and he came with us to London for a little while with everyone else. After a month Faith and Wood decided to go down to Cleveland, there's a Hellmouth there and it was getting to be really active. They headed down there and they setup a center there, a residence for the other new Slayers that they found around the area. We have our main base in London, but we have satellite locations in Rome and Dublin." Buffy began.

"I thought the Council was killed before Giles came back." Spike said.

"The head guys were killed, but they had other Watchers in training and out on demand for when a new slayer or a potential slayer came on their radar. Giles was able to get in touch with them all and they also brought on new Watchers to be trained. The facility in London, Rome and Dublin also trains Watchers as well as the new Slayers. They pair up a new Slayer with a new Watcher so they get to know each other and train together. It's really cool considering since the beginning it's all been this huge secret. Now it's a little more out there, the general population isn't aware of us, but most of the new Slayer's family know about us and what we do. They are able to have a better relationship with their child." Xander said.

"The general public believe we are some high society private school. It's changed a lot, all of the Watchers and the Slayers get paid now. So they don't have to worry about jobs or money. The few remaining older Watchers from before are working on a system to help keep the money being generated after they are gone. Andrew is training to be a Watcher and Dawn is helping with the Administrative end of things. She's helping to organize the money and organizing the new Slayer's locations. We have a huge training and living facility in London. We have a cook and a maid service to keep everything clean some are actually family members of some of the new Watchers and Slayers. It's pretty cool." Buffy said.

"So who's in charge of this whole thing?" Spike asked.

"Giles is the head guy. He set up the new Watchers and the new Slayers. He organizes where everyone goes and what mission they go on." Xander said.

"What do you both do?" Spike asked.

"I help train the girls and get them ready. I still patrol, but I don't have to go every night. I've gone around to a few cities to pick up girls. That's what we were doing back here in L.A. Faith has a full house right now so we came down to get the few girls and bring them back with us. Andrew was with us and he went back with the girls earlier today." Buffy answered.

"I'm just getting back. I got back from Africa and three hours later I'm on a plane coming here. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I get back." Xander answered honestly.

"Willow is heading the Wica operations. She's working with creating an organization with the other covens all around the world. Kennedy helps with the training of the new Slayers and she goes with Willow when she has to go out of town for business." Buffy said.

"Kennedy?" Spike asked confused.

"Kennedy the oldest Potential from Sunnydale. She had long brown hair and was Willow's girlfriend." Buffy supplied.

"Oh ya right." Spike said as he rubbed the spot on his forehead where the scar was. They both could tell that Spike was in pain and Buffy was worried about what the damage behind the scar was doing to Spike.

"Are you okay?" Buffy asked with concern.

Spike moved his hand back down and looked at Buffy. "Ya I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Xander asked this time with concern in his voice as well.

"Ya it's just a headache." Spike said with a shrug.

"You were in the hospital for two months, but they made sure you were fine right before you left?" Xander asked.

"Ya I was all cleared." Spike said.

"Good." Buffy said with a smile.

"So tomorrow we leave and we will be back in London. I called Will and Dawnie and told them that you were alive Spike. They were happy and they are looking forward to seeing you. They are going to keep it quiet until we get back."

"Some people might not be too happy I'm guessing." Spike said cautiously.

"The new Slayers from Sunnydale are going to be thrilled to have you back. Everyone has really missed you. The new Slayers that you didn't fight beside will be a little cautious at first. The whole vampire with a soul thing is new to them, but once they see you are there for good and not to hurt them then they will be happy to have you. It's just easier to handle it in person. Plus if you want a few days by yourself before meeting everyone then it's no big." Buffy said.

"Everyone lives in the residence facility that is on the same piece of land as the training facility. It's all on fifty acres of land. There are guest rooms setup like a hotel room with private bathrooms, the girls all have a room with two beds in it so they double up. Willow and Kennedy have their own small little apartment within the facility. Dawn has her own room and her own bathroom. Giles has a house on the property that he uses. Buffy has her own apartment on the top floor of the facility that is her own. The training facility has conference rooms, class rooms and different training rooms for sparing and weaponry. There is a gate and fence all around the fifty acres that Will put a protection spell around as well. So if any demon or vampire try to climb over or break in an alarm will sound in both facilities. It's all pretty high tech compared to how it used to be. We truly did change the way the world is with that spell." Xander said proudly.

"Wow. You've been busy beavers. Why does Giles have his own house on the property and not in the living facility?" Spike casually asked.

"He is the head of the Council and it was just easier for him to be in his own place then with all of the girls and the craziness. I don't deal with it much because I have my own loft apartment on the top floor so I get to avoid them. Giles wanted his own space after being with all of the girls for so long. Plus if he has to have any meetings with the Council he can do it in his home then in the facility in a conference room." Buffy said.

"Hm." Was all Spike said to that.

"Ya I mean it makes sense he is older than everyone and he doesn't really do well with all of the girls around." Xander said.

"Was the property already there or did you have to have it built?" Spike asked.

He didn't truly care too much right now, but it was better than them asking him questions. Plus if he was going to be there then he figured he was better off knowing about it all.

"It was built, but we had to do full renovations. Xander took up charge in that department and got it all sorted and finished." Buffy answered.

"That must have taken a while." Spike said.

They could both notice that Spike's anxiety was picking up. It wasn't that he didn't trust Xander and Buffy it was just that it was all new to him. He had been in hell for six months than two months in the hospital. So Spike has only had a month to get used to being back after being in hell for six months. It clearly had an effect on him and he was clearly struggling with the after effects. Spike was still scratching the back of his right hand and he didn't even seem to notice.

"It took a good long three months before everything was finished and all set. We had a huge team working on it though so it wasn't too bad." Xander said.

"Well I am beat. That room bed is calling me." Buffy said with a smile.

"Ya me too. I'll see you guys tomorrow." Xander said with a smile knowing what Buffy was getting at. Spike clearly needed a break and some time on his own or with Buffy alone. "It's good that you are back Spike." Xander added sincerely.

Spike just gave a nod and Buffy stood up. She guided Spike out of Xander's room and headed down the hallway to hers. She opened the door and they went inside. Buffy turned the one side lamp on and Spike noticed that there was only one bed in the room. Spike knew he wouldn't be sleeping so it didn't matter to him. Buffy took off her jacket and turned back to face Spike. She could see he was nervous and having some difficulty with everything. According to Angel's team Spike hadn't even been outside so this would all be overwhelming for him. Buffy could still remember what it was like when Angel came back from his hell dimension and how messed up he was, after only being gone for a short period of time. That's what angered Buffy about this. Angel knew what it felt like to be in a hell dimension and Spike had been in one for six months. Angel should have been more sympathetic towards Spike and more willing to help him after what happened to himself. Spike had been in a hell dimension for six months, Angel should have been more supportive towards him, because he knew how it felt himself. Buffy went over to Spike and placed her hand over his.

"You need to really try and stop doing that. You're gonna hurt your hand." Buffy said gently as she looked at Spike's hand.

"Sorry"

"It's okay you don't even know you are doing it. Why don't you take your coat off? We can sit down on the bed and just relax."

"I thought you were tired."

"No, but I could tell you needed some space. I know you haven't been outside since you've been in your apartment. I figured we could just relax we have all day tomorrow to hide out before the flight. Come on just take your jacket off and we can sit on the bed." Buffy said as she moved her hands to Spike's jacket and started to pull it off.

Spike removed his jacket and placed it down over the back of a chair. Buffy gave Spike a smile as she went over to the bed and sat down with her back against the headboard. Spike didn't sit down on the bed, but he leaned back onto the desk in the room so he was half sitting and half standing so Buffy took it for now.

"How are you feeling?" Buffy gently asked.

"I'm fine."

"How are you really feeling?" Buffy pushed gently.

"Besides the headache I'm fine."

"How often do you get the headaches?" Buffy asked with concern.

"Often enough." Spike said with a shrug.

"Is it from whatever happened to give you that scar?"

Buffy wasn't sure what Spike would be willing to talk about or not so she was going to test the waters and if Spike didn't want to talk about it then she would let it go. Spike just looked down and Buffy could tell this was a painful memory to Spike.

"Spike, are you sure you are okay? I mean the headaches if they are often and if the scar has anything to do with it maybe you should get checked out again."

"It's nothing" Spike said softly, but he wouldn't look at Buffy.

"Spike, you can tell me anything. Is… is something wrong?" Buffy asked gently trying to hide her worry.

Spike kept his eyes on the balcony door and after a few moments of silence he just gave a slight nod yes. Buffy moved away from the headboard, but she didn't move any closer to Spike. She wanted to go to him, but she didn't know if he would like her to be closer to him or not.

"Spike what is it? What aren't you telling me?" Buffy said gently.

"The ah" Spike cleared his throat and began again. "The ah…the doctors checked everything out while I was in a coma I guess. There's some shadowing they said on this one part of my brain in the front, the scar made them look. It was worse three months ago apparently." Spike trailed off and Buffy could tell he was lost in thought.

"Shadowing? Like bruising?" Buffy asked trying to get Spike to continue on.

"No it's..." Spike shook his head and Buffy could tell he was having a hard time dealing with this. Buffy just waited the few moments before he spoke again. "It's damage, brain damage the doctor doesn't know if it is temporary or not. It's not really something vampires get, it takes a lot." Spike finished and he looked at Buffy to see her reaction.

Buffy couldn't believe that Spike had brain damage, actual brain damage. She couldn't help, but feel hurt and slightly guilty. She had given Spike that amulet, she was the one that labeled him her champion and he got hurt by it. He had been killed and spent six months in hell, because she had given him the amulet that trapped him in its own hell.

"Don't, don't look at me like that with pity in your eyes. I hate that look and all I have gotten is that look from people since I woke up in the hospital. I can't take that look from you too." Spike said with hurt in his voice.

Buffy got up off the bed and went over to Spike. She grabbed his hand and held it in hers as she spoke.

"There's no pity Spike. None of this changes anything between us or what I feel for you it doesn't. I just… I can't help, but feel guilty because I gave you that amulet. If I hadn't you wouldn't have died and you wouldn't have been in hell for six months. I know what you did destroyed the Hellmouth and guaranteed us the win, but this price this time around was too high. I wish I hadn't given you that amulet, that we had researched it more instead of just trusting Angel and what he found. Spike you are a hero, a champion, my champion. There is no pity and there never will be." Buffy said with a fierce tone to her voice.

"What if it doesn't go away?" Spike asked softly.

"Then we will deal with it. I'm not going anywhere. I lost you once already I am not about to lose you again. I don't care what anyone says this time around. I love you and I want to be with you. That's all that matters."

Buffy moved in closer to give Spike a hug and Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy and just breathed in her scent. She always smelt amazing to him and he couldn't believe how much he missed just the very scent of her.

"God I missed you." Spike said into the top of Buffy's head.

"I missed you too."

Buffy couldn't believe how good it felt to be back in Spike's arms. They had a rough road behind them and Buffy knew that it was on both of them for what happened. In those last few months though before the final battle with the First they had started to become closer once again. They had become friends, they relied on each other both equally and that was new for the both of them. Buffy was always so used to being above Spike and he was just beneath her. In those last few months though they were equals and Buffy found herself being drawn to him, to the man that was the soul and not the demon she had always associated with Spike. She got to see how gentle of a soul Spike truly had and she couldn't help, but feel for him and fall in love with him. When he had died for the world she always felt like a part of her died that day with him. Now he was back and she was finally able to be with him, she wasn't going to let anyone stand in her way. She wasn't going to let something like brain damage get in her way either. Spike might heal from it eventually and if not she didn't care, he was hers and she wasn't going to lose him. Buffy pulled back and smiled up at Spike.

"Come lay down with me, we can keep talking if you want but just come lay down with me." Buffy said as she gently pulled Spike over to the bed with her.

Spike allowed Buffy to guide him over to the bed. They both removed their shoes and got onto the bed. Spike was half sitting up against the headboard and Buffy didn't even waste a second before she curled into Spike's chest. Spike wrapped his arm around her and placed his right cheek against the top of Buffy's head.

"I don't care about the brain damage Spike, but what side effects does it give you?" Buffy asked calmly.

"Headaches mostly and some memory problems. Docs don't know when it will go away or if it will. It really doesn't happen with vampires so no one can be sure on it. They did say it could get worse if I get hit in the same spot."

"And it's where your scar is?"

"Hm"

"So we will just be careful you don't get hit there. I'm sure it will heal with time, it just might take a bit, but that's okay we'll deal."

"You're tired, you should sleep." Spike said as he started to run his fingers through Buffy's hair.

"Jet lag, it's a bitch." Buffy said with tiredness to her voice.

"I wouldn't know. I traveled by boat mostly so you get used to the different time zones."

"Plus sunlight doesn't really matter to you." Buffy added with a smile.

"Get some sleep."

"Are you sure you are okay?"

"How can I not be with you in my arms?"

"You should try and sleep too."

"I don't sleep much. I'll be fine close your eyes and get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Spike continued to stroke Buffy's hair even after she finally fell asleep. Spike didn't know how well any of this was going to go over. He didn't know how he felt about going to London with Buffy and Xander and being with all of the girls again. He also didn't know where he would be staying, would he be with Buffy in her apartment or would he be in one of the guest rooms. He didn't know how the others were going to take him being back or how the new Slayers he didn't know from Sunnydale were going to appreciate him being around. There were a lot of unknowns and for Spike right now he was having a hard time dealing with the knowns let alone the unknowns at the moment. Spike knew he wanted to be with Buffy so this was just something he was going to have to handle and work through. He couldn't hide away for the rest of his undead life. He had to recover from what happened and get back to being useful. The problem was he didn't know if he could do it this time. He didn't know if he could handle doing it this time around. Spike didn't want Buffy to get annoyed or sick of him and then leave. She told him she loved him, but it wasn't that easy to just accept it and be happy about it. For now he was just going to focus on the present and that was Buffy being back in his arms sleeping away. Spike would worry about tomorrow when it came.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Buffy woke up still wrapped up in Spike's arms just after twelve that next day. She couldn't believe that all of this hadn't been some dream. She actually woke up to being held in Spike's arms and not alone like she expected. This wasn't a dream; she had truly found out that Spike is alive after all of these months. That he had spent six months in hell being tortured only to spend another two months in the hospital afterwards trying to recover. Buffy noticed now that she was awake and curled up against Spike that he was really thin. She noticed it last night, but actually feeling it like this she knew she had to try and get Spike to eat more to get his body weight back up. She also noticed that he was colder than normal. He was never hot, but he was always warm, warmer than a usual vampire for some reason. This morning his body was cold a clear sign that he wasn't getting enough blood. Buffy looked up to see Spike looking down on her. She could tell that he didn't sleep last night. He was looking more worn out than he did last night and Buffy knew it was only going to get worse before she was able to get him better. She brought her right hand up slowly and gently placed it against his left cheek.

"I was expecting to wake up and have all of this be a dream." Buffy said softly.

"I know the feeling." Spike said softly back.

"How are you feeling?" Buffy asked as she brought her hand back down and curled into Spike's chest more.

"I'm fine."

"I know you are not fine Spike. I told you it's ok to not be fine right now. This is a lot for you. Angel's team told me how you haven't even been outside since you've been in the apartment. I know this is a lot for you to take in plus getting on a plane later. It's important that if you are feeling anxious or scared you need to tell me so I can help you move past it. I want you to be honest with me Spike."

"I feel okay right now. I don't know about later. I've never been on a plane before or around that many people since being back."

Buffy could hear the slight anxiety in Spike's voice as he thought about what was going to happen today. Buffy sat up and turned slightly so she could look right at Spike.

"Hey listen to me. We will get through this. I know it's scary there are a lot of people and noises and it's bright. All you have to do is make it on the plane and then it'll get easier. Once we arrive we can go right to the apartment and hide from everyone. We can worry about the rest tomorrow. Let's just get to London today."

"Where am I staying?"

"I was hoping you would be living with me in the apartment, but if that isn't something you want to do we can set you up in a room if you want." Buffy said trying to hide the hurt in her voice.

"I just didn't want to impose Luv."

"I want you there Spike. I've missed you so much. I know the others will want to see you, but I kinda want to be selfish and hide you up in the apartment with me and never leave the bed. Being curled up in bed with you all day sounds really good to me."

"Sounds like heaven." Spike said softly as he looked at Buffy and Buffy knew he was still shocked that all of this was happening.

"I want you to remember something really important."

"What's that Pet?"

"That I love you. I mean it Spike I love you and I don't care what anyone says or thinks. It's not going to change my mind. We'll get through this together." Buffy said in a serious voice as she sat half up and used her left hand to hold her up as she looked down at Spike.

Spike let out a sigh before he got up and off of the bed. He started to pace over to the dresser and Buffy sat up in the bed. She was instantly worried that Spike was having second thoughts about leaving and being with her.

"Spike talk to me."

Spike let out a breath before he turned around and leaned against the dresser. He put his hands down on the edge and he didn't really look at Buffy as he spoke.

"You love who I was before I died. I don't know if I can be that person anymore." Spike said softly.

Buffy got up and out of bed. She went over to Spike and placed her hand on his chin as he was looking down. She gently lifted it up as she spoke.

"Look at me baby." Buffy said softly.

Spike lifted his head to look at Buffy and Buffy could see the hurt and fear in his blue eyes.

"I love you Spike. I don't love you because you can fight. I love you because you love me unconditionally. That even after everything we have done to each other you have always been there to have my back. You don't give up, you are loyal, and sweet. You have a good heart and soul. I love your smile and the banter we have together. I love who you are. Being able to fight isn't going to tip the scales. I don't expect you to be fine with everything. I know it's going to take time and I know you might never find it in you to fight. That's okay. I still love you."

Spike let out a shaky breath before he spoke.

"I love you. I always will. I love having your back and watching your back in the field, but I don't know if I can."

"And that's ok. I just want you in my life. You don't have to be in the field fighting Spike. And don't let anyone pressure you to be there. You've done more than enough for this world; it's okay to not be fighting anymore. It's okay to not be okay."

"Everything is so hard right now. It shouldn't be this hard."

"You were in Hell Spike for six months. It's going to be hard until you get used to being back and you get passed it."

"It shouldn't be hard, it's not like I didn't deserve what happened after all of the evil I've caused."

"Hey no. You didn't do those things a demon did and there is a difference. You are not that person anymore you are a good man. You got tortured to protect my sister from a Hell God. You died saving the world. You didn't deserve what happened to you. You didn't deserve to be in Hell. It's going to be hard until you get back into a routine and be back home where you belong. We'll get through this together Spike." Buffy said in a serious voice.

"I love you. I just don't want to hurt you or disappoint you." Spike said sadly.

"As long as you don't give up then you never will. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I really want to kiss you right now." Buffy said with a smile.

Spike gave her a small smile as he moved a shaky hand to her right side of the face. He slowly moved his mouth over to hers and pressed his lips softly to hers. Buffy pushed back and she allowed Spike to have complete control over the kiss. She didn't want to pressure him or push him too much. She was more than willing to wait until Spike was ready to go further. Spike slowly deepened the kiss and Buffy felt his tongue lick her lower lip. She parted her mouth for him and she couldn't help the moan that escaped her mouth as his tongue entered her mouth. Buffy couldn't believe how amazing it felt to be kissing him again and she couldn't believe she went so long without kissing him. After a moment Spike pulled back with one last kiss to Buff's lips. Spike kept his hand on Buffy's cheek as he spoke.

"I thought about you all the time. You were my small peace of Heaven, that light in the darkness. I never thought I would get to kiss you again. That I would get to hold you or even see you. I thought all I was ever going to have again were the memories. And now you're here and it all seems like this dream."

"I know what you mean. I've missed you every day. When I died you told me that you dreamt every night that you saved my life. I didn't really understand then, but I do now. I did the same thing. I kept dreaming of different ways to get you out of that basement. That I could save you. Now here you are and I can't believe I have missed three months with you. I would have been there Spike, every day just waiting for you to wake up. Been there to help you heal."

"It's not your fault Luv. I know you didn't know. We're together now that's what matters."

"You're right this is what matters. So what do you want to do?" Buffy asked with a smile.

"I don't care."

"What do you normally do during the day?"

"Watch the telly or pace around. Had enough sunshine to last me an eternity." Spike joked lightly.

"Well we can go curl back up in bed or we could go and see Xander. Get something to eat."

"It's up to you Luv."

"Well I could eat something and you definitely need to eat something. You're barely eating anything." Buffy said with worry in her voice.

"I'm fine Luv." Spike said with a shrug.

"You're only eating enough to survive. You need to gain some strength back Spike. Even if you aren't in the field fighting you need to be able to defend yourself. I can't lose you again."

"You won't. I'll try to eat more it just takes a little while to get back into it."

"I know and I know it's only been a month for you. We'll get you back up there. Are you okay if we go to Xander's room or have him come here and we can get some breakfast up here?"

"It doesn't matter to me." Spike simply said.

"Well I will call him and he can come over here and we can order us some food. We have to leave at four to get to the airport. I'll talk to Dawn later to see if she is going to pick us up. Is that okay?"

"I guess that depends if she drives like you do or not." Spike said jokingly.

"Hey I am not that bad. And how would you know we've never been in a car together?" Buffy asked with a smile.

"I've heard the stories Luv."

"Ya well you can ask Xander how she drives, he taught her. I've been told though that she is very good." Buffy said as she picked up her phone and called Xander.

"Hey Buffster." Xander said with an awake voice.

"Hey, I didn't know if you'd eaten yet."

"Nope just got out of the shower. Do you want to grab some lunch?"

"Yes food would be awesome. Why don't you come over here and we can order something up." Buffy suggested.

"Works for me I'll be right there."

"K see you in a few."

Buffy ended the call and smiled at Spike.

"He just got out of the shower he'll be here in a few minutes. It's probably too early to call Dawnie right now."

"It's evening over there Luv." Spike said gently.

"Oh right time change. So it'll be midnight this time when we land in London that would make it what like four?" Buffy asked confused.

"Five." Spike corrected.

"I'm so sick of time changes. Wait are you going to be okay at five in the morning?" Buffy asked with worry.

"I'll be fine Luv. Sunrise will still be an hour or more away and unless London weather has changed in the last seventy years it will probably be raining."

"Ya, no it still rains a lot. Or it's cloudy. I get that Giles is from London and that is where the original Watcher's Council was, but you would think he would have picked a more sunshine friendly country. Vampires can come out during the day when it rains or it's cloudy. We seriously need to consider having a squad of Slayers out during the day."

There was a knock on the door before Spike could say anything to it and Buffy went to open it to let Xander in. He smiled at Buffy and then at Spike when he walked into the room. He had a small brown bag in his hand and he pulled something out as he spoke.

"I couldn't sleep last night so I went out and picked up a couple of packages of blood." Xander said as he held up a package of blood. "Thought maybe you would be hungry."

"Ta Mate." Spike said.

Buffy took the bag of blood from Xander and she put it into the fridge once she removed on of the packages of blood. She got it into a mug and started to warm it up while Xander spoke.

"So food, what are we eating?"

"I don't know. The menu is over there on the desk." Buffy said as she pointed to the menu.

Xander went over and grabbed the hotel menu and began to look through it.

"See I don't know what to get. I just got up so I want breakfast, but it's noon so it's technically lunch time." Xander said.

"They serve breakfast all day." Buffy said as the microwave beeped. She took the mug out and went over to hand it over to Spike with a smile.

Spike took the mug and gave a small smile of thanks in return.

"I know, but then it just screws up the rest of the day, because when it's time for dinner it'll be lunch. I hate time changes." Xander grumbled.

"So do I. Spike reminded me a few minutes ago how it will actually be five in the morning when we land and not midnight like we thought." Buffy said.

"Oh shit, is that going to be ok?" Xander asked with slight concern.

"It'll be fine sunrise won't be for another hour after the plane lands." Spike said.

"I thought I would call Dawn and see if she wants to pick us up." Buffy said.

"She'll do it. You know she is going to be spending the day running around making sure every is set up for when we get there." Xander said with a smile.

"I'll call her after we order some food. I guess it would be bad to eat ice cream." Buffy said with a smile.

"Wouldn't be the first time." Xander said with a smile.

"Ice cream and cold pizza for breakfast. Giles thought we were crazy." Buffy said with a smile.

"Isn't that a normal teenager thing?" Spike said.

"Ya except it was like seven months ago. We lost power to the facility and the freezer food was gonna go bad. We ended up eating ice cream and left over pizza from the night before at like six in the morning. Giles was not pleased by it." Xander said.

"He really didn't like it when Dawn put the ice cream on top of her pizza." Buffy said with a smile.

"She has always had an acquired taste." Spike said remembering how Dawn used to make random food combinations when he was looking after her after Buffy's death.

"Ya that hasn't gone away fully. But it did lead us to the fabulous invention of ice cream pizza. There's a big cookie crust with ice cream on top and sprinkles. So good." Buffy said with a smile.

"And people make comments about my eating habits." Spike said lightly.

"Ya ok there Mr. Cookieaholic." Buffy said with a smile.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Spike said innocently.

"You are totally addicted to cookies, of any kind. I've seen you dip Oreo's in blood." Buffy said with a smile.

"Eww. No it's supposed to go into milk." Xander said.

"I can't drink milk." Spike said.

"Really? Is that like a I hate milk from being human thing or a I can't drink milk cause it turns to dust in my mouth vampire thing?" Buffy asked.

"When I was human milk wasn't produced the same way it is now. It was a lot more work and harder. When I was six I got really bad food poisoning from drinking a glass of milk. I was in the hospital for two weeks with it. They thought I was going to die. After that we never had milk in the house and I just don't drink it. Then I became a vampire and now I only drink blood and whiskey."

"See I don't get that. You eat other food, but Angel refused to." Buffy said.

"He never ate? Like ever?" Xander asked.

"No he said he was a vampire and they don't eat." Buffy said.

"The majority don't eat. It doesn't do anything for us, it won't keep us alive. I like to eat, I'm gonna be around for hundreds of years I want to experience it. No point in being around if you aren't going to live it." Spike said.

"Well that makes sense." Xander said.

"Ok food time. What are you getting?" Buffy asked.

"Screw it I'm getting breakfast. Tell them I'll have the number four."

"Ok" Buffy picked up the phone and looked at Spike as she dialed. "Do you want something?"

"I'm good Luv. Haven't gotten back into eating."

"You've only had blood these last few months?" Buffy asked shocked as Spike usually ate normal food every day.

"It's only technically been a month Luv." Spike said gently.

"I know, but still usually you would eat every day." Buffy said with concern.

"Just haven't gotten back into it yet is all. It's nothing to worry about Luv." Spike said calmly.

"Ok" Buffy said as the attendant on the other end picked up.

Buffy put in their orders for Xander's breakfast and her bacon, cheese burger with fries. With it ordered she put the phone back down and pulled out her cell phone.

"I'll give Dawn a call and let her know what's going on." Buffy said as she dialed Dawn's number.

"Spike man, I don't know if you need one but I bought you a pack of smokes. The smoking area out back is all covered in shade right now." Xander said with a smile as he held the pack of cigarettes in his hand.

"Ta Mate. Don't suppose you have a light?" Spike asked as he took the smokes.

"I actually have your lighter. It's in my coat pocket." Buffy said as she pointed to her jacket. "Ya hang on a sec Dawnie." Buffy said to Dawn as she answered.

"You kept my lighter?" Spike asked surprised as he went over to Buffy's coat to get his lighter.

"Ya. You gave it to me the day of the battle. You said just in case it would give me something to remember you by. You didn't think I would throw it away after all this time did you?" Buffy asked slightly hurt.

"I didn't know what you were going to do with it Luv. I didn't think that far ahead."

"I always have it in my pocket no matter where I go. I had a piece of you with me no matter where I went." Buffy said honestly.

Spike held the lighter in his hands and just looked at Buffy. He didn't even know what to say to that. He didn't know what to say to any of this. He never thought he would ever get out of Hell and now here he was in a hotel room with Buffy and Xander going back to London with them. It was a lot to take in and he didn't even know how he felt about any of it. Spike just gave a nod and both Xander and Buffy could tell he was having a hard time with it all and they couldn't blame him after everything he had been through.

"Go have a smoke. I'll get Dawn all set up." Buffy said with a smile.

"Right ya." Spike said snapping himself out of it as he headed for the door with the spare room key.

Buffy looked at Xander and it was all he needed before he was speaking and following behind Spike.

"I'll come with you. I could use some fresh air."

They both knew it was a lie, but Spike wasn't going to call him out on it. If he was honest he didn't want to be outside alone in a place he didn't know anyone. He didn't want to have to talk to someone he didn't know or be overcrowded. With Xander there he would work as a buffer for him. They got outside and there were a few people out there smoking. Spike headed for an empty corner in the blocked off square and he stood there with his back against the corner so he could see everyone as he worked on getting out a smoke. Xander didn't make a comment about it at all. He understood that Spike was going to have problems. He could handle it. He had handled having Spike around in his basement when he was first chipped and then he lived with him for a few weeks in his apartment after getting his soul. He could handle Spike and what appeared to be PTSD of some sort. Xander knew that Spike was a demon and he had killed thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people in the time he was evil. Still to him it didn't seem fair that Spike had saved the world, had helped them save the world previous times before. He could live for another thousand years saving innocent lives and the world only to still end up in Hell when he dies. It didn't seem fair to him, especially because the demon killed those people and not the soul, not the man attached to the soul. It just seemed cruel to Xander that no matter how many good deeds Spike has and would do in his life that it wouldn't be for anything in the end.

Xander watched as Spike's hands were trembling as he tried to get his lighter to work. After a few tries he was able to get it going long enough for him to be able to light his smoke.

"Are you okay? You're hands are shaking." Xander asked with concern.

"Oh it's nothing. They do that, some things just haven't healed up quite yet. It's nothing." Spike said with a slight fear to his voice that Xander knew wasn't directed towards him, but the fact that Spike wasn't healed up yet. That Spike didn't know just how long it would take to go back to normal.

"Well you've only got out of the hospital a month ago. You can't be in perfect health that quick Spike. It'll take time, but hey you're a vampire so you have all the time in the world. How are you feeling about going to London? You're from London right?" Xander asked looking to change the topic and get Spike to feel a little more relaxed.

"I am. I haven't been back there in three decades. I suppose it's all different now."

"I'm not real sure what it is like. I was there for three months, but I didn't get to really see anything. I was too busy working on the facility and then the rooming facility that I didn't get the chance to look around. Once it was done we were all being sent away."

"Who sent everyone away?" Spike asked trying to get a feel for the situation he was going to be walking into.

"Giles. Willow had her Wicca friends locate where all of the potential Slayers were and then the new turned Slayers. Believe it or not we still have potential Slayers too. They will become Slayers, but their like five or six years old so they haven't unlocked their powers yet. The youngest Slayer we have is twelve. Giles said we needed to locate all of the new Slayers and keep a close eye on the potentials for when they grow into their powers. Buffy got England and Willow and Kennedy got Italy, Faith got the States and I got Africa."

"Did you get stuck with the short straw?" Spike asked trying to joke about the situation, it made him uncomfortable with the feeling he was getting in the pit of his stomach.

"No I offered to go."

"Why?" Spike asked with genuine curiosity.

"Honestly because of you. You travelled all the way to Africa to get your soul. You went through torture that could have killed you just so you could get your soul and keep Buffy and Dawn safe from your demon. I wanted to see what it was like for you there. Plus that night when we stayed up just talking a week after you moved in with me after your soul. You told me all about how the safari animals were roaming around in their natural habitat. How the villages are so starved for proper food and safe water. You told me how you helped them out with building homes after you got your soul. How they gave you blood to keep you going. You died saving the world and I wanted to honor what you did by going back there and helping out. So I found Slayers and I told them the same story over and over again. And between finding them I had brought my tools with me and I helped to build homes, a hospital and a school over there. We were able to find some more clean water and I was able to help build a village basically. I wouldn't have done that if it wasn't for you." Xander said honestly.

Spike gave a genuine smile to Xander as he spoke.

"It was good that you did that. It's a different world over there and it can be really hard being there. There were a few little kiddies that died while I was there. It can be hard to be around knowing you can't do anything to fix it."

"Ya there were a few things over there that I'll never be able to forget. They need a lot of help more than one person can give. I'd like to get my company up and running and get volunteers to go over there and help out. Just think what they could do if they had professionals there to give them piping for water or even proper equipment to get to the water. I'd really like to try and make a difference for them."

"It's honorable work, it's important work. You should be proud for what you've done for them. I really am sorry about Anya. I know you loved her."

"It was really hard at first. It's still hard. I can't imagine going out on a date just yet, even though it's been nine months. You know back when we found out you had been in love with Drusilla for over a century I used to think it was impossible and completely insane to be in love that long. I couldn't imagine it. But then I fell in love with Anya and a century didn't seem long enough. I hope she died at least knowing that I loved her and that I always will." Xander said sadly.

"She knew Mate. She loved you and she knew you loved her. I know it doesn't help, but she died fighting, she died saving the world. She didn't die from being attacked or sick. She died being a warrior and after being alive for over twelve hundred years she finally got to experience true love and happiness. She's up there in the clouds with Glinda and Joyce lookin' down on everyone. She'd be proud of you too." Spike said sincerely.

"Thanks Spike." Xander said around the lump in his throat.

"So this whole Slayer thing, how many do you have?" Spike asked trying to change the topic for Xander.

"Um about four hundred full Slayers and there's another two hundred potential Slayers that we're watching. We also have two hundred full Watchers that are working with two Slayers each and another hundred or so getting trained for the new Slayers."

"Don't you ever wonder… you know what never mind it's none of my business." Spike said as he put his cigarette butt into the can and started to head back inside.

"Whoa hold up. What were you gonna say?" Xander asked stopping Spike before he could go anywhere.

"It's nothing it's none of my business." Spike said and Xander could hear it in his voice that he was afraid to voice his opinion on this. Something Spike had never had a problem doing before.

"It is your business. Spike you're going to be there and around them. It's your business to know things and ask questions. No one is going to get upset, at least I'm not I can't speak for the others, but Buffy or me I know we're not gonna get upset for you asking a question."

"It's your lots plan and operations I'm not looking to cause any problems. It's nothing just forget it." Spike said desperately trying to end the conversation as he was clearly uncomfortable with it.

"Spike, listen to me it's okay to have an opinion and for it to be different than mine or any of ours. I know when Buffy came up with the idea to use the Sythe to give her power to all of the potentials you weren't for it. You didn't like the idea of that much magic and change in the natural order. But you went along with it because Buffy wanted to do it and she needed your support. You gotta have questions about how it all works right now and maybe we haven't been doing everything right. It's ok to have a different opinion. What were you going to say?" Xander asked with patients to his voice.

Spike let out a shaky breath and he started to scratch to back of his right hand again as he went back over to the wall so his back was no longer to the other people in the area.

"You have four hundred Slayers. Four hundred teenage girls that up until the spell were just normal girls. You made an army of Slayers, but they didn't sign up for it, you drafted them. I can't help but wonder how many of them all truly want to be there. It's hard to believe that all of them are happy about the life they were forced into. Don't you ever wonder how many of them had dreams of being a doctor or an artists or a mother? Buffy chose to keep being the Slayer when Kendra and Faith showed up. You chose at sixteen to help Buffy in this life. The Sunnydale potentials chose to fight and become Slayers. The others though, they didn't get to choose, they were forced into this life without any say at all. You took em out of their homes, stuck em with strangers in a foreign country and trained them like soldiers only for them to go out at night to hunt and kill. Just seems wrong to me is all." Spike said softly with a small shrug.

Xander couldn't help, but be shocked at what Spike had said, because he had never truly thought about it like that. He just saw them as Slayers and they needed to be taught how to handle their new found powers. He never even considered that not all of them wanted to be a Slayer or in that life. They were getting paid sure, but that didn't mean it was their passion. Spike was right they hadn't really given any of them a choice. They just came to their home told them what was going on and took them away that same day or the following day. Listening to Spike really made it seem like they weren't doing everything right.

"You know what I've never even thought about it like that. Giles said they had to get trained so they didn't hurt anyone and I mean that makes sense. I never even considered that some of them would want to leave afterwards. I don't even think we gave them a choice to go. Giles just sends them off to different cities in different countries when they are needed and then they come back to us when it's time for a different Slayer to take over that area or the area is calmed back down. Once they get their powers we pick em up and they go to school during the day and then when school is over they learn how to speak English or they train in fighting before they go out on rotation at night. Then back to school the next day. The weekends they learn and fight all weekend. It's a strict schedule. Shit."

"I'm sure it's fine. I'm not there I don't know how the girls feel I'm sure it's fine. Forget I said anything." Spike said slightly panicked and the scratching got worse.

"No you had every right to say something. I'll keep an eye out and see how some of the girls are adjusting. It's only been nine months and things aren't perfect. That might be something we seriously missed. They're not just Slayers, but teenage girls too. They deserve to still have hopes and dreams. I'm glad you said something Spike. Thank-you." Xander said sincerely.

"I'm sure it's nothing, their probably all happy with the life. We should get back in Buffy will be done speaking to the Niblet by now." Spike said as he looked around and Xander knew he had reached his limit.

"Ya and hopefully food will be there." Xander said with a smile.

They both headed inside and back to the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once Spike and Xander headed out of the room Buffy turned her attention back to Dawn who was quickly losing patients on the other end of the phone.

"Hey sorry Dawnie."

"You kept Spike's lighter this whole time? That is both really sweet and sad. How is he doing?" Dawn asked with concern.

Buffy let out a sad sigh before she spoke.

"Well he's not pissed off like he was when he got his chip and he's not crazy like he was when he got his soul. Honestly, though I would prefer either of them to this. He just looks so lost Dawnie. Even when he got his soul he never seemed lost or weak. He could still fight and he still knew his purpose in the world. Now though, he's just lost and he's weak. Physically, mentally and emotionally he's just weak and he looks it. He's barely a hundred pounds right now and it wouldn't surprise me if he has problems that he's not telling me about. It'll take months before he's even strong enough to be fighting assuming he can even get his mind into it. I don't see that happening though, I truly think he's done and it's really sad."

"Spike's always been strong and a fighter. Him not being able to fight anymore is sad, but I mean I still love him even if he can't fight anymore."

"So do I and I told him that. He was afraid that I wouldn't love him anymore if he couldn't be what he used to be. I just want him back to being healthy again. He is in desperate need of some TLC."

"Which he will get lots of. I already got some blood for him, enough to get him through the next few days. I assumed he was going to be staying with you so it's in your fridge. I'm also making some chocolate chip cookies for him. I also got you some sun canceling curtains and I already put them up in your bedroom. Willow said she can look into a spell or something to make it so that Spike can be around open windows without catching fire."

"Thanks Dawnie that's awesome. We won't be there until around five in the morning your time. I was wondering if you wanted to pick us up at the airport."

"Ya totally I'll be there just text me the details and I'll be there. It's also supposed to be raining tomorrow so that will be good we won't have to worry about an early sunrise. Can I bring Willow with me?"

"Ya that'll be fine. Just remember he's skittish right now. He's not one for the touching so if you are going to hug him ask him first don't just run into him."

"Got it. I'll be careful and I'll let Willow know."

"He's also got a scar where his other scar is on his left eyebrow, but it goes up his forehead. He gets headaches from it, but he's got a little memory issue from time to time. So if you say something and he doesn't remember don't make a thing out of it he should heal up once he gets eating properly and healthier. I just don't want you to freak out. Also he's picked up this habit of scratching the back of his right hand when he's nervous or overwhelmed. He doesn't even know he's doing it so." Buffy listed off quickly.

"Buffy its ok we can get him through it. I'll tell Willow so she knows. She also told Kennedy cause well you know in love right. She's going to keep it quiet and she said she would take over your patrols for you until we figure something out. So you won't have to worry about that for a few days."

"Good I didn't even think of that. I want to keep Spike kinda isolated for the first day or two. I don't want him feeling like he was just getting thrown into the deep end here. I want to ease him into it again. He's not so good with crowds right now. Plus the new Slayers won't know how to handle him. They aren't used to the whole vampire with a soul deal."

"It'll be an adjustment, but the Sunnydale Slayers know Spike and that will help. Everything will be ok. Just worry about getting him here and then the rest we can worry about then." Dawn said reassuringly.

"Ya just have to get him on the plane. He's never flown before and it's still going to be crowded at five this afternoon. It's going to be hard on him I just hope I can get him there without too much trouble. I really don't know how well he is going to be able to handle this." Buffy said with worry.

"You'll get him through it. He loves you and you love him. Not that many people will want to be flying into London at five am. It shouldn't be too bad once you get him used to being on the plane. Just keep his mind off of what is going on and you'll be fine "

"I hope so. I really just want to get him there and hopefully he'll get better being around people who care about him. This is the first time he's been outside since he got to his apartment a month ago and that was the first time in eight months. He just has so much anxiety about the world now. It's sad and hard because he never had those problems before. I just want him better and back to his confident self. Hopefully being back where he belongs will help."

"It will. Just give it some time. He'll be back to his old self before you even know it."

"You're right he will be."

"I have to get going. I have a few things I need to work on for Giles. I'll see you guys in the early morning."

"Yes I will text you the information once Xander gets back."

"Awesome. Tell them both that I love them and I am so excited to see them."

"I will."

"I love you too and I'll see you in like twelve hours."

"Seventeen for me but that's time change for ya. I love you too."

"See ya."

"Bye."

Buffy ended the call and she looked at the time. She noticed that Xander and Spike had been gone longer than the seven minutes it normally took Spike to have a smoke. She couldn't help, but be worried about them being gone for almost fifteen minutes now. She knew he was with Xander and if something happened he would have called her. Still she couldn't help but be worried about him. She had lost him once already she didn't want to lose him again. She just wanted to keep him in her sights for as long as possible until she felt ready for him to no longer be with her twenty-four seven. After another five minutes the room door opened and Spike and Xander walked back in. Buffy felt like she could breathe again as they both walked in. Xander gave Buffy a smile as he went and sat down in the chair by the table.

"You guys were gone longer than I expected." Buffy said trying not to sound worried.

"Ya we just got to talking about Africa. How's Dawnie?" Xander said.

"She's good. She will meet us there with Willow for five. I just need to text her all of the info, do you have that?" Buffy asked Xander.

"Ya I'll send it to her right now." Xander said as he pulled out his cell phone.

Buffy smiled at Spike as he stood against the wall on the other side of the bed. He was in the room, but he wasn't actually in the room. Spike gave her a smile back before he spoke.

"She's ok?"

Buffy could hear the worry in his voice. Him and Dawn had never really settled things after what happened to make Spike go and get his soul. Buffy had spoken to Dawn afterwards in the road side motel and Dawn had broken down about it. She hated that she didn't tell Spike that she had forgiven him. That she loved him and was proud of the man he had become. Even nine months later Dawn still felt like part of her life was missing with Spike not being in it. It was a shared pain they both had even to this day.

"She's really excited to see you. She bought you blood and put it in the fridge in our place. She also bought sunlight canceling curtains and hung them in the bedroom. She's also baking you chocolate chip cookies." Buffy said with a smile.

"She's good at baking. She did it a lot when you were gone. It made her feel better." Spike said.

"Willow is also looking into a spell of some sort to put on the windows so we don't have to worry about sunlight. For now we can just keep the curtains closed and when you go down into the living facility we can make sure there's no sunlight coming in." Buffy said.

"Ok info is sent." Xander said as there was a knock on the door and Spike jumped at the unexpected sound.

"It's okay it's just the food." Buffy said with a smile as she got up and went over to the door.

Buffy opened the door and took the cart with the food on it. She tipped the man and closed the door. She wheeled the cart further into the room where there were two plates on it. Buffy grabbed both plates and went over to the table and set them down while she sat down.

"This looks good." Xander said as he picked up his fork.

"It does. So Kennedy is going to take care of patrols for me for the next few nights. So I won't have to worry about that." Buffy said.

"Um… I can um… take a shower?" Spike asked slightly unsure.

Buffy could tell he was getting overwhelmed and anxious. He was back to scratching his hand and his eyes were darting all over the room.

"Of course you can baby you don't have to ask." Buffy said with a smile.

Spike just gave a nod and headed over into the bathroom. He closed and locked the door before he turned on the shower. Once the shower was going he didn't remove his clothes right away. He just put his hands on the counter and tried to catch his breath. He didn't need to breathe and yet he felt like he was suffocating. He couldn't get a proper breath and he didn't even need to breathe. He knew that in less than five hours he would be getting onto a plane. Something he had never done before. There would be crowds of people everywhere and Spike didn't know if he could do it. He wanted to be with Buffy. He wanted to hold her at night and just be around her, but he didn't know if he could do this. He knew that he couldn't make Buffy stay here. She had all of her family and friends in London, plus responsibilities. He couldn't let her stay here and he couldn't imagine not being around her so he had to go. He just had get through it. Once he got there he could just hide away from everyone.

Spike went over to the shower and turned the water on as hot as it could go. He still smelt like Hell. He knew he was the only one who could smell it and he knew it was probably in his head, but he just couldn't get the smell off from him. He took his clothes off before he got under the steaming hot water and began to scrub his skin.

Buffy couldn't help the worried look on her face as Spike headed into the bathroom. It wasn't like him to ask if he could do something. He would just tell her he was doing it and then do it, especially something as simple as taking a shower. Buffy knew that within the next week she would find out just how damaged he was after being in Hell for so long. Xander got up and went over to the desk and picked up two pads of paper and two pens before he went back over to the table.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked with confusion as Xander wrote down on the one pad of paper and gave her the other pad and a pen. Once Xander was finished writing he held it up to her.

'_Vampire hearing. He's not okay.'_

Buffy frowned as she picked up her pen and wrote back.

'_I know, but I can't just leave him here and I can't stay or I would. He's only going to get worse until we get him back to our place.'_

Xander wrote back while Buffy took a bite of her burger.

'_What if we can't get him through the plane ride? How are we going to do this? He could barely handle being outside with five people. There's going to be hundreds tonight.'_

'_I don't know, but we have too. I can't just leave him behind living alone where no one truly cares about him. Ya Angel's team kept him alive and was there for him, but it's different. It's not home and he needs to be home.'_

'_I know he does. I just hate seeing him like this. His hands shake did you know that?'_

'_No I haven't noticed. Dammit. I need you to help me with keeping Spike from fighting. We can't let anyone pressure him into doing it. Promise me.'_

'_You know I'll promise you anything Buff, but why? Is something more going on that I don't know about? Is it the scar and his memory? Is something seriously wrong?' _

Xander couldn't help the worried look on his face. He knew Spike was having some memory problems and he had seen Spike getting a headache and his hands shaking. Xander was now seriously worried that something would keep Spike out of a fight for good now. Something that his body couldn't heal from.

'_You can't tell anyone or even let him know that you know.'_

'_I give you my word Buffy I won't tell anyone. What is it?'_

'_The doctors ran tests on him while he was in the hospital. They found brain damage where the scar is. They don't know if it'll ever heal. His hands shaking is probably from it as well as the headaches and the memory problems. One wrong punch to his head and it could be made worse or spread. He can't fight until it's gone no matter what.'_

Xander sat back in his chair with shock and hurt all over his face. Buffy had the same hurt look on her face and she just gave a sad nod. Xander ran his left hand over his face before he wrote down on the paper.

'_I won't let him fight or let anyone make him fight until we know it's gone. We need to know what everything is wrong with him. We need to know before we leave. You need to ask him or call Wesley or something. We gotta know how bad his body is damaged Buffy. We don't even know how many years it was in that dimension.'_

'_When he gets out I'll talk to him more about it. I just don't know what I should say and what I shouldn't say. I don't want to upset him. He hasn't even slept in a month or more. He didn't last night. I don't know what effect that could have on him. We're really in the dark here.'_

'_You need to talk to him. I'll make up some excuse to leave so you can talk to him alone. We have to leave in three hours to get to the airport for takeoff.'_

'_I know. I'll talk to him and we can just get him through it. Once we get to London we can just hide out for a few days before we meet everyone.'_

'_Ya, but Faith and Wood are gonna be there in three days remember?' _

Now it was Buffy's turn to sit back in her chair with an oh shit look on her face. Xander just gave a knowing nod right back at her.

'_What do I do about that?'_

'_I don't know, but they are gonna be there. I don't know how Wood feels about Spike, but last time he tried to kill him. He wasn't exactly upset that Spike was dead and neither was Giles. Neither of them are going to be happy to see him.'_

'_Fuck. I don't care I'm not letting anyone try and bully him away. I love him and he loves me that should be good enough for everyone. I'm so done letting other people dictate my life. Faith will keep Wood in line and if she won't I will.'_

'_So will I and a bunch of other Slayers that Spike saved with his sacrifice. We'll keep him safe. He's always keeping us safe it's time we kept him safe.'_

'_I can't lose him again Xander. I can't.'_

'_You won't.'_

Xander reached over and held onto Buffy's hand to give a silent support.

"It'll be okay." Xander said with a small smile.

"I need it to be." Buffy said honestly.

"I know and it will be."

Xander pulled his hand back and started to eat his food again and Buffy did the same.

"Hey, have you ever thought about the girls and how they just got snatched up and put into this life?" Xander asked after a moment.

"Not really. I don't really think about who they were before. I just focus on patrolling and helping to train them. Why?"

"It's just something Spike said. You know how Spike can do some really stupid shit and you just always assume he's an idiot. Then out of nowhere he says something so intelligent and insightful that it just makes you think about something."

"Ya he has a habit of doing that. He plays stupid well. Did he say something about the girls?"

"He just made me look at things differently. I've gotten so used to being in this lifestyle that I forgot not everyone is used to it. Before I would just go to a new Slayer tell her what's going on and what will happen then ship her off. But Spike said something that made me look at it differently."

"What did he say?"

"He said that we go to this new Slayer, we're strangers to her we completely alter her world. Then within twenty-four hours we take her away from her family, her friends, stick her in a strange country with strangers. We take them away from the only life she has ever known just to learn how to kill and be a part of a war that she didn't even know about. And he's right. He asked me how many of the girls had other dreams for their life? He said that he was surprised that so many girls were all happy with being a Slayer and weren't resentful of it, of us. He's right though Buff. We take these girls and train them in school all day and then when they get back from school they train at night and then patrol. They don't ever get that break. They don't even go to a normal school. Giles has teachers that come in for it. What if we're doing this wrong? What if all we're doing is being a more humane version of the Initiative?"

"I don't know. I've never even thought about it. I got thrown into this world and I didn't even think about what I could have been. I didn't really have many options though, but some of these girls I'm sure they do have options. Maybe when we get back you should play charming and see if you can get a feel from the girls. They need to be trained, but maybe we shouldn't force them to be Slayers when they are trained. Maybe we should be giving them the choice of it or not. I don't know this got complicated really quick here."

"It hasn't even been a year yet so we're bound to change things and make mistakes. I do think we need to make sure we aren't forcing anyone to stay a Slayer when they truly don't want to be. We can figure this out." Xander said reassuringly.

"Ya I know we can. I just can't believe I never even thought of it. We can see how they feel and talk to Giles. It'll work out."

"Exactly." Xander gave Buffy a smile and they finished eating their meal as they kept the conversation light.

It wasn't until thirty minutes later did Spike finally turned off the water and got out. He didn't feel any better, but for now it would have to do. If he was alone he could be there for hours just scrubbing his skin under the scolding hot water. He would be under the water until it turned cold and he had no choice, but to get out. He had many times in the past month scrubbed his skin so hard and raw it had bled in spots. Spike got out and dried off. He got dressed in the clean clothes he had put on last night before he sat down on the closed toilet lid and took a few calming breaths. He had to get a grip on himself. He didn't want Buffy to know just how damaged and broken he was. He knew he was only in hell for six months, but down there it was a lot longer, six hundred years long. Time went by so fast and so slow at the same time. He couldn't help the constant fear in his body as each second ticked by in the day. He hated the thought of sleeping and he hadn't done any in six weeks that he had woken up from his coma or while he was in hell. He was so exhausted but he just couldn't get the fear under control of having to close his eyes. Spike knew it wasn't fair to Buffy to be dealing with him. She deserved better than him and his problems. He was just going to tell her to go on without him. She deserved to be happy and with someone that wasn't so damaged and broken like he was. He could just go back to his basement apartment and stay there and never leave.

Spike took a deep breath in before he stood up and headed out of the bathroom. He saw Buffy and Xander had finished eating and were just talking about the Slayers they had just picked up. They stopped when he walked into the room. Spike leaned his back against the wall where he originally was and stayed quiet.

"We have to leave at four so I'm gonna go and pack up my stuff and I'll check in with Andrew to make sure they got there ok." Xander said as he stood up.

"Ya okay. We can meet at the lobby at quarter too so we can load up and headed out." Buffy said with a smile.

"Sounds like a plan. I'll see you guys soon then." Xander said with a smile.

Spike just gave a nod and Xander headed out of the room leaving Buffy and Spike to talk. Once Xander left Buffy spoke.

"Why don't you sit down on the bed or over here babe." Buffy kept her voice calm and gentle as she could tell Spike was not handling things very well.

"I don't really sit." Spike said with a soft voice.

"You sat on the bed with me last night." Buffy said calmly back.

"That was the first time I've been on a bed since the hospital. I don't." Spike said with fear clear in his voice and he closed his eyes fighting off a memory that Buffy knew was traumatising to make it so that he was afraid to sit down or even be on a bed. "We shouldn't be doing this. This is a bad idea, a mistake. You should go back to London and live your life and just forget about me." Spike said in a hurry and Buffy could tell his anxiety was way up.

Buffy slowly got up out of the chair and went over to the side of the bed so she could face Spike, but kept the bed between them.

"Spike listen to me. I can't forget about you. That's not going to happen. I was miserable for nine months without you. I was existing all over again just like I was when I had came back from the dead. You made me live again. When you died I went right back to existing. I cried every night that you were gone and now you're back. The last thing I am going to do is let you go." Buffy said with complete sincerity in her voice.

"I'm not back. It's not fair to you to put up with my problems. I'm broken Buffy I can't be who I used to be and I don't know if I'll ever be okay again and it's not fair to you. For you to put up with it. I won't do that to you. So you should go and find some human bloke who loves you and you can be happy together." Spike said with a shaky voice.

"I don't want some human man Spike. I want you. I love you and I am not about to walk away from you. I had problems when I came back too, but you didn't run away when you had every right to. I almost killed you in that alley, but you stayed because you love me. I love you and I am not going to walk away or leave you here alone. You're not broken and even if you are I don't care I still love you. I know you aren't who you used to be, but that's okay I don't care I just want you in my life. I want you to be there so I can hold you and be held by you. So I can see you every day and talk to you and complain to you about something one of the new Slayers did. You have problems and that's okay we can get through them together. We're stronger together we always have been."

"It's not fair to you." Spike said softly.

"It's not fair to you either. I'm not going anywhere, you are stuck with me Spike. Let me be there for you, let me help you like you helped me. You've always been taking care of me and my friends and family. It's my turn to take care of you." Buffy said as she moved around to Spike. She placed both of her hands gently on either side of his face as she spoke again. "I love you baby and I'm not going anywhere no matter what you say. So don't leave me again. Let me take care of you this time." Buffy said softly.

Spike gently rested his forehead against hers and he closed his eyes as he spoke softly.

"I don't know if I can do this."

"You can, we'll do it together. We can take it one step at a time until you're ready to take it one day at a time. I love you." Buffy said softly back.

"I love you."

"We can do this. I know we can. We just need to be on the same page though ok?"

"What do you mean Luv?"

"I need to know all of your injuries and any problems you have. I know about the brain damage and the anxiety, but what else Spike? I need to know in case something happens." Buffy said gently.

"I don't know. The doctors said a lot, but I didn't really listen past brain damage."

"When was the last time you slept?"

"When I woke up from the coma."

"So six weeks and I'm not really sure a coma counts as sleep." Buffy stepped back slightly as she tried to get her thoughts in order. "Ok so we need information. Do you know if Wesley would know?"

"I don't know maybe. It was at the hospital there so he could find out probably."

"Do you mind if I call him?" Buffy asked gently.

"Probably should know what, if anything is wrong. He would know, or have access to the information."

"Ok I am going to give him a call and we can see if there is anything we don't know." Buffy said as she went over to the table and picked up her phone.

She called Wesley and after three rings he answered.

"Hello"

"Hey Wes, can you talk?"

"Yes, is everything alright?" Wesley asked with slight concern.

"No ya everything is fine. Spike is going to come back to London with me and Xander. I was just wondering if you knew about any reports from the hospital. We just wanted to make sure Spike was healthy."

"Yes of course. I can bring up the last report from the day he left the hospital just one moment here."

Buffy could hear typing in the background before Wesley spoke again.

"Alright, it states that there was some brain damage done to the front of his brain, where the scar is. It will give him some memory issues and headaches quite often until it heals. How long that will take they did not know as it has never been recorded before. He was malnourished and starved. As a result his bones are weak and fragile he would also bruise easily from it. He was beyond exhausted, they suspected he hadn't slept at all during his time in Hell or even from the coma. He does seem to have insomnia, anxiety attacks, flashbacks and he seems to still be struggling with being conditioned from Hell. What rules there were in the Hell dimension he still seems to follow them. In my opinion he has a level of PTSD and that is making him have a harder time overcoming the rules that were tortured into him. He has a long road ahead of him and with his brain damage and his bones being so brittle he shouldn't be fighting any time soon. I'm afraid all he needs is a safe place to be and time to overcome everything that has happened to him." Wesley said with hurt in his voice.

"Ok, but all of that is something he can heal from with enough blood. Ok thanks Wesley I really appreciate it."

"It's no problem Buffy. Just let him rest and recover from everything that happened to him. He needs time more than anything right now."

"He's got all the time in the world and I am not about to let him fight until he is recovered and ready I can promise you that." Buffy said in a serious voice.

"Good. If something comes up please call and I will do everything I can to help you out."

"Same goes for you. Thanks Wesley."

"You're welcome. Have a safe trip back home."

"You be safe too out there."

"I always am."

"Goodbye Wesley."

"Goodbye Buffy."

Buffy ended the call and turned to face Spike with a smile.

"So he just said that you are exhausted, but we already knew that. He also said your bones are fragile from not eating. So all we have to do is get you back on a steady diet and get some desperately needed sleep into you and you will be fine."

"At least I still have all of my parts." Spike said jokingly.

"You are going to be perfectly fine Spike. I'm going to make sure of it. We have a little bit still before we have to leave. Why don't we sit down on the bed and just relax." Buffy suggested.

"Um… ya ok." Spike said slightly unsure.

Buffy went over to the bed and Spike got into the bed sitting up against the headboard. Buffy went over to Spike and put her head on his chest and Spike wrapped his arms around her.

"Why the anxiety about sitting and beds? You were okay last night." Buffy asked gently.

"Just a few things I haven't gotten over. Wasn't allowed to sit or sleep. Didn't even sit at the apartment. "

"So why did you last night? You spent all night in bed with me." Buffy asked calmly.

"Used to get tortured for hours or days I don't know, just for sitting down. Was always waiting for someone to come into the apartment and torture me if I sat down. Couldn't fight even if I wanted to right now. I know I don't have the strength in me. Last night you were here. If someone came storming in here you would kick their ass. Don't really have to worry too much about it. It's still hard to do it, but once I sit down I don't have much anxiety over it with you around." Spike answered honestly.

"Anyone who tries to hurt you I'll kill them." Buffy said with compete seriousness.

"I know you will. It's not so hard to breathe around you."

"Metaphorically speaking, but then you always have breathed even though you don't need to. Why is that?"

"Never got out of the habit. Plus I've known vamps that stopped breathing and they can't run as long or fight as long without their lungs getting tired. Besides it's not like breathing is inconvenient."

"That's true. I know you are nervous about the plane ride, but are you even a little excited to be back with the rest of us?"

"I'm looking forward to seeing the Niblet. Being back with you always feels nice. I just don't know where I fit into your life anymore. Can't really fight right now."

"I told you I don't care that you can't fight right now or ever. You fit right here in my life. You've always been there for me and not just to watch my back. I need you in my life Spike. I need you there to talk to and to hug and kiss. I just need you that's how you fit. I love you that's all that matters the rest we can figure it out. I don't do much fighting either I mostly just train the girls and they go off on the patrols. I take a few patrols a week when I'm getting bored and need the violence and workout. I'm not the only one that has to deal with it anymore. It's nice."

"I'd imagine it would be Luv. All of that responsibilities have been taken off your shoulders and the load shared. It's good for you."

"Do you really think we have some girls that don't want to be there?"

"I don't know. I think you probably have more than you know about. It's just statistics, you can't have four hundred teenage girls happy to be a Slayer and being out there killing at night instead of having a life. I'd be more worried about them resenting everything. Those are the ones that become the most dangerous and not for the undead, but the living variety."

"Like what Faith used to be."

"Faith was different. She came from nothing with a bad life before she was given all of that power. Her old watcher was killed before her. The Mayor came and gave her something she always wanted, a father figure. She fell right into his hands and was easily manipulated. A Slayer being resentful is a lot of problems. Not all Slayers were happy about the calling. There have been a number of them that wanted nothing to do with it. Some refused to train and patrol until they were eventually killed by a demon. Others have all varied in degrees of dangerous. Some turned into criminals with their strength and speed. One even had her own vampire gang that she used to terrorise different cities all over the country."

"Are you serious? Why haven't I ever heard about this?" Buffy asked shocked and slightly angry for being kept in the dark.

"Question for your Watcher Luv not me. Had a guess the Council of Wankers don't want to go around advertising that they had to kill a few of their own to save face. It's why that whole test once you turn eighteen came up. If a Slayer was turning rebellious and they thought she would be a danger they could just kill her right then a there. The Watcher would just think she never made it pass the test and he would be given a new potential."

"Holy shit. That's insane. I never knew that and you damn well bet I am going to ask Giles about it. So that's why you wonder how many are actually happy."

"It's a numbers game. Four hundred official Slayers and two hundred potential Slayers, how many of them are really going to be happy about it? It's just something you need to watch out for. You have so many of them and it's easy to lose track of how they are doing and feeling. A Slayer could turn down a different path and it could be months or years before you notice and by then it will be too late."

"I'm gonna speak to Giles when we get back in a few days. I want to make sure everything is going well and just what we can do for the girls that don't want this life, but need the training in order to help them survive and understand their strength. I'm not looking to force anyone to be in this life. I know how hard it is and I would never put that onto someone if they truly didn't want it."

"I'm sure everything will be fine Luv. You can figure it out you haven't been doing this operation for long. You are bound to come across a few bumps in the road."

"I know, but I want to make sure those bumps are smoothed out and not left to get bigger."

"I'm sure it won't Luv."

They spent the next little while just talking about different things that had happened since Spike had been gone. Buffy made sure she told Spike all about the things Dawn had been doing so he was up to date on her life. When it was time for them to go and meet Xander down in the lobby Spike was nervous, but he was able to make it to the airport without much difficulty. Once at the airport he was having more of a challenge and the plane ride was very hard on him. There were a few times when him and Buffy had to go into the bathroom to try and get Spike to calm down. Buffy had been patient and supportive of him. Just allowing him the time alone in the bathroom together to try and get his anxiety down. Xander was a pillar of support to him. He was able to talk to Spike about his experiences in Africa to try and get Spike's mind to focus on something else. It was a long flight for everyone and they were all thankful when the plane finally landed and they were able to get off. Spike kept thinking about Dawn and how it would be good to see her again and hug her. He knew things before between them had gone downhill, but they seemed to have gotten better in those last few months he was in the house. Spike was hoping she really was excited to see him, because he was looking forward to seeing her. They made it through the baggage claim to get their bags and then they headed outside to where Dawn was supposed to be picking them up. They walked out of the door and sure enough Dawn was standing there with Willow beside her. Dawn gave Spike a huge smile when she saw him and they came over to Buffy, Spike and Xander.

"Hey Spike." Dawn said with a smile.

"Hello Niblet. Hello Red."

"Can I hug you?" Dawn asked unsure if it would be okay.

Spike opened his arms and Dawn immediately went over to him and she wrapped her arms around him.

"You can always hug me Niblet." Spike said softly to her.

Dawn held onto Spike tighter and Spike could smell her tears. He rubbed her back and after a moment she pulled back and wiped her face.

"These are happy tears I swear." Dawn said with a smile.

"I really wanna hug you too." Willow said with a smile.

"Come here Red." Spike said with a small smile.

Willow went over to Spike and wrapped her arms around with. The hug didn't last as long, but it still felt good to Spike.

"Okay hey guys." Willow said when she stepped back.

"What I don't get a hug?" Xander said.

"Of course you do." Willow said as she gave Xander a hug followed by Dawn.

"Ok we need to get going in case the sun decides to come outside to play." Buffy said.

"Ya and I don't know about you guys, but I am exhausted." Xander said.

"We're over here." Dawn said as she started to walk towards the vehicle.

Dawn walked on one side of Spike with Buffy on the other.

"So how the trip?" Dawn asked.

"Ah it went pretty well." Buffy said.

"Though I don't want to do another plane ride anytime soon. I went from Africa to London, then from London to L.A and now L.A to London all within like a week of each other. I'm done getting on a plane for a long time. I just want to find a place to live and get my construction company back up and running. Do something normal again that doesn't involve telling fourteen year old girls that may or may not speak English that they are a Slayer and have to move." Xander said.

"Ya I hear ya. This past week the coven has found more Slayers that were potentials that we didn't know about, they all turned fourteen, fifteen around the same time and all got their powers. Giles had to intervene on one girl, because she got into a fight at school and almost killed the girl. We were able to work it out, but still not fun." Willow said.

They got to the vehicle and they all piled into it. Dawn sat in the driver's seat with Willow in the passenger seat and the other three in the back.

"Please tell me you drive better than your sister little Bit." Spike said.

"I drive way better than she does. We don't let Buffy drive unless we have no other choice." Dawn said with a smile.

"I am not that bad people." Buffy said with a slight annoyance to her voice.

"You really are Buff, but that's okay Spike might be able to teach you. After all he's already dead so if you crash he won't die." Xander said with a smile.

"That is true you could teach me." Buffy said with a smile.

"I taught Angel how to drive I'm sure I could teach you. How bad could it be?"

"You taught Angel how to drive? Isn't he older than you?" Willow asked.

"He never had the interest in new technology. He always believed it would go away and there was no point in learning it. After being dead for decades I finally convinced him to learn. He kept crashing into ravines. He crashed so bad once that the car literally broke in half. We didn't let him drive anymore after that. Apparently he got better with age."

"Ok see I am not that bad. You could totally teach me." Buffy said.

"You know I will Luv."

"How is everything at the house?" Buffy asked Dawn and Willow.

"Things are good. Kennedy took over your patrols. And all of the girls were still asleep when we left. They shouldn't be up until six thirty so that will give us enough time to get there and you can get inside without a hoard of girls asking what the vampire is doing in the house." Willow answered.

"Oh I never even thought about that. They'll be able to sense you up in the apartment." Buffy said to Spike.

"I already took care of that. I did a spell that makes it so Spike's presence is only known to you in the apartment. The rest of the house won't even notice, but if another vampire is in your room they will. I figured it would solve the questions and worry that you are being attacked." Willow said.

"Good thinking Will." Buffy said.

"I have also been doing some research on sunlight spells, but so far I have only found ones that make sunshine so that's a work in progress." Willow said.

"I made sure all of the curtains are drawn just in case. And I put the chocolate chip cookies I made for you Spike in the kitchen." Dawn said with a smile.

"I've missed your cookies Niblet."

"Well ya that's cause they are awesome." Dawn said with a smile.

"That they are Bit."

"So what is on the agenda for you guys today?" Xander asked.

"Well I have school. Followed by homework and studying." Dawn answered.

"I have to work with the Coven and see if they were able to set up any more Covens around the world to align with us. Then the usual, help with the house work, check in on the girls and see how they are doing. See if there is anything Giles needs me to do. The same old same old. What about you guys besides sleeping?" Willow asked.

"I think Spike and I are just gonna hang out in the apartment for a few days." Buffy answered.

"Me I am going to sleep like the dead and then go house hunting. Oh and set up my company so I have to go looking for jobs and a crew. Lots of fun to be had for this guy." Xander said with a fake smile.

"Sounds like it. If you need any help with the paper work I can always give you a hand." Willow offered.

"Thanks Will. I might take you up on that. Depends if any of it has to be submitted online or not." Xander said back.

"A lot of that probably has to be done online now. Everything is so digital now." Dawn said.

"Well London is a lot bigger than Sunnydale so it's easier for them to keep track of everything online then in paper form." Willow said.

"Ya that makes sense. Even my assignments get submitted online. It's pretty cool at least I don't have to worry about my teachers losing my work." Dawn said as she pulled up to the gates for the facility.

Once she punched in her code the gates opened and she was able to drive through. Spike looked around as they drove up to the living facility. He knew it was big because Buffy and Xander had told him, but still he didn't expect it to be this big. There was a lot of room for training outside and inside. Spike couldn't help, but feel a little overwhelmed at everything that had been thrown at him in the last twenty-four hours. He was looking forward to being in the apartment alone with Buffy for the next few days. At least it would give him time to adjust. Dawn parked the SUV and they all got out. They grabbed their bags and then headed inside. Buffy took Spike's hand in hers as they walked inside. She wanted him to know that she was right there with him. They walked in and Spike was amazed at the size of it. He knew it would be large from the outside and the inside didn't disappoint. It looked like a grand hotel with different living rooms and hallways going all over the place. Including the stairs. Spike knew it would take him a long time to figure everything out. For tonight though he didn't care. He just wanted to be alone in the apartment with Buffy. He was beyond exhausted and right now some sleep with Buffy in his arms was sounding good to him. He didn't sleep, but tonight he thought he would give it a try knowing Buffy was there beside him.

"I know everything seems like a lot, but you'll get used to it." Dawn said to Spike with a smile.

"It's gonna take a while to figure out where everything leads to ya." Spike said as he looked around.

"Well, all you need to know is where the elevator is so we can go home." Buffy said with a smile.

"And where would that be?" Spike asked.

"It's right over here." Willow said as she guided them over to the elevator down one of the hallways.

"Don't worry too much about it. I helped to build this place and I still get lost. I have to figure it out too." Xander said as they walked to the elevator.

"I got lost last month. Trust me it happens all the time here." Buffy said.

They got onto the elevator and Buffy hit her floor while Xander hit his. Willow and Dawn were going to go with Xander to talk to him leaving Buffy and Spike alone for right now. When they got to Xander's floor Dawn gave Spike another hug before they got off the elevator. Buffy leaned into Spike as they went the rest of the way up to the top floor. Once there Buffy lead Spike over to the door to their apartment and she opened the door. Once they were inside Buffy locked it. Spike took a moment to look around the living space, but he didn't really care too much right now. His body was so exhausted that all he wanted to do was sleep.

"So this is it. I can give you a tour if you want." Buffy said with a smile.

"Honestly Luv, all I want to do right now is go curl up in bed with you and sleep." Spike said honestly.

"Good, because that is all I want to do too. I can give you a tour later. Let's go to bed."

Buffy grabbed Spike's hand once again and she lead him down the hallway to the bedroom. Once there she let go of his hand so she could put her bag down and he did the same. Buffy grabbed her sleep clothes and got changed into them real quick and Spike removed his jacket and shoes. He opened his bag to remove some sweat pants to sleep in.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom I'll be right back, make yourself comfy." Buffy said with a smile as she headed out of the room

Spike got changed into the sweats and a clean black shirt before he went over to the bed and crawled into the bed. After a few minutes Buffy came back into the room and she turned out the light before going over to get into bed. She crawled under the covers and curled into Spike. Spike wrapped his arms around her and Buffy placed her head onto his chest.

"You're safe Spike. I promise if anyone comes in here to hurt you I will kill them, unless they are a Slayer or Potential, in which case I will just yell at them." Buffy said with a smile.

"I know luv. I'm fine I'm just tired."

"All the more reason to spend the next three days in bed. Good night baby I love you."

"I love you too Sweetheart." Spike said as he kissed the top of Buffy's head.

Spike closed his eyes and just allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of Buffy in his arms and the safety that she brought. He allowed himself to relax and before he even could realise it he was fast asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It had been three days since Buffy, Xander and Spike had returned to London. Buffy and Spike had spent the last three days up in the apartment and they didn't see anyone. Buffy had slept for a solid twelve hours that first day before she woke up. Spike had spent the last three days sleeping. Buffy knew he was exhausted so she didn't bother him. She only woke him up every four hours to drink a mug of blood before he fell back asleep. His body was so exhausted that Buffy would be surprised if he even remembered waking up to drink blood at all. Buffy hadn't even left the room except to go to the bathroom and to eat. She had sat down on the bed beside Spike where she knew Spike would be able to smell her. She knew he was safe here in her apartment, but he wasn't used to being here and after everything that happened to him she understood that he didn't feel safe. Buffy told him she would protect him and so she had sat down on the bed beside Spike so he knew that he could sleep and not have to worry about being attacked or hurt for it.

Spike was currently sleeping on his stomach and Buffy was sitting in bed under the covers next to him. Spike took in a deep unneeded breath before he groaned and slowly turned his head so he was facing Buffy and slowly opened his eyes. Buffy smiled down at Spike as she watched him wake up. Once Spike had his eyes fully opened he looked up at Buffy who smiled down at him.

"Morning sleepy head." Buffy said with a smile.

"Morning." Spike said with sleep to his voice.

"How are you feeling?" Buffy asked as she moved so she was laying down and facing Spike with her head on her arm tucked under it.

"Alright. How long have I been asleep for?" Spike asked trying to wake up, but Buffy could see he was still very much exhausted.

"Three days now. I've been waking you up every four hours during the day to drink some blood. You don't remember me waking you up?" Buffy asked with a smile.

"No. Why did you let me sleep so long?" Spike asked calmly.

"Because you clearly needed it. Babe you haven't really slept in months I know you are a vampire and you don't really need it, but still you needed the sleep. You still need sleep. You were barely conscious when I got you to drink the blood." Buffy said calmly.

"What did you do while I was sleeping?"

"Stayed in bed with you. I got up to eat and check my phone. Everyone has been asking where I am. Dawnie said that I've just been a little under the weather. I'm gonna have to make an appearance soon though before they storm the castle." Buffy said with a smile.

"You stayed here the whole time?" Spike asked shocked that Buffy would.

"Of course I did. I told you no one was going to hurt you while I was around. You are safe here, but I still wasn't about to go around and leave you here sleeping. I'm not ready to let you out of my sight just yet." Buffy said as she went and placed her left hand on the back of Spike's neck and gently began to rub her thumb along the back of his neck.

Spike closed his eyes at the feel of her touch at the back of his neck. He let out a soft hum of comfort before he spoke with his eyes still closed.

"You'll put me back to sleep if you keep doing that."

"The back of your neck has always been sensitive, why is that?" Buffy asked softly as she continued to rub her thumb along his neck.

"It's a demon thing. It can be for comfort, a turn on and put a demon into submission by a dominate demon."

"So that is why you go crazy when I kiss and nibble on the back of your neck." Buffy said with a smile.

"Major turn on. You have demon essence in you, doesn't it drive you crazy?" Spike asked as he opened his eyes.

"Never had it before. I never really thought about what the demon essence influence would have on me. I never noticed it before."

"It's what gives you your instincts, your strength, your speed. Didn't Giles ever tell you that?"

"Not really I mean. I know that I have powers, but I just never thought anything about it. Figured I was just born that way."

"You weren't born that way Luv. Without the demon essence you would lose those powers and be just a normal girl like you were before you became the Slayer."

"I know I could lose my powers when Giles gave me that drugged tea when I was eighteen, but I just thought it made me weak. I didn't think I could actually lose my powers."

"The tea would have blocked out the demon essence in you for a short period of time. If one of your enemies ever figure out a way to remove the demon essence in you, you'll never have those powers again."

"So if I wasn't born with it then how does it work? We've been telling everyone they were born with it. Giles just said that's how it works. No, you know what don't tell me yet. If you wouldn't mind it would be good for you to tell everyone so they all know how it works if you would be okay with that." Buffy asked.

"Like all four hundred of them?" Spike asked slightly nervous.

"No just the ones that are here. So about a hundred between Slayers, Watchers and Potentials that are here right now. Like I said we also have other residence in Cleveland, Rome and Dublin. Would you be okay with that?"

"You'll be there?"

"I'll be right there beside you." Buffy said with strength to her voice.

"Ok." Spike said slightly unsure.

"Dawn will be there with Xander and Willow too. You know we will keep you safe. None of them would ever hurt you and none of the Potentials, Slayers or Watchers will. I promise you, you are safe here in this building and with us."

"I have to get used to being around people again eventually right?"

"You can do it and if not that's okay. We'll get it through it together no matter what."

Before Spike could say anything Buffy's phone chimed and it caused Spike to jump slightly at the unexpected sound.

"It's okay it's just my phone." Buffy said gently as she rubbed the back of Spike's neck.

Spike let out a shaky breath before he spoke. "Sorry."

"You don't have to apologies it's okay babe. It's a just a text message, probably from Dawnie. It's going to take you some time to get used to all of the sounds living here. You'll be okay once you get used to everything."

Spike gave a nod and Buffy rolled over onto her back and reached over to the nightstand for her phone. She grabbed it and saw that it was from Dawn asking what she was up to for the day. Buffy knew that Dawn was dying to see Spike again and now that he seemed to be awake she thought maybe it would be good for him. There were only two people in the world that Spike loved and that was her and Dawn. She rolled back over and spoke.

"It's Dawnie, she's been dying to see you since we got back. Would you be okay with her coming up here?"

"Of course. How is the Niblet?"

"She's good. She's been balancing high school and working here, but she's doing really well."

"She's a bright girl. I missed her."

"She missed you. I'll tell her she can come up here. I really should go down and make an appearance and get things going. Faith is supposed to be here today too."

"Can I shower?"

"Ya of course you can. You don't ever have to ask babe. This is our place. There is blood in the fridge and Dawnie's cookies are on the counter too." Buffy said with a smile.

"I'll eat after a shower."

"Ok. I am going to get up and dressed then. Plus coffee and breakfast sound good. Morning kiss?" Buffy asked with a smile.

Spike closed the small gap between them and gently kissed Buffy. Buffy kissed him back gently allowing Spike to once again have all of the control in the kiss. After a moment Spike pulled back and gave Buffy a small smile and she gave one back to him.

"Now that is the best way to start the day." Buffy said before she sat up and stretched.

Spike rolled over onto his back and watched as Buffy stretched before she got up and went over to the closet to find something to wear for the day. Buffy turned to smile at Spike as she felt his eyes on her.

"Enjoying the view? Buffy asked with a smile.

"Very much so. I half expected to wake up and find out all of this was a dream. I'm still waiting for you to magically disappear." Spike said with honesty to his voice as he sat up carefully. Buffy could tell he was stiff and she figured that he would still be sore from his bones not being at full strength.

"I'm not going to disappear, but I know how you feel. I keep waiting for you to magically disappear too. So for a little while until we are both used to this we stay attached to each other. I see nothing wrong with that." Buffy said with a smile.

"Might be a little hard to do when you go out to patrol Luv." Spike said with a smile.

"So I don't patrol for a little while. It's not a big deal when you have a house full of Slayers just itching to prove themselves. I only patrol because I get bored after a while, it's not something I have to do every night anymore. Which means I can be here with you until we are both ready to let each other not be in our sights at all times." Buffy said with a smile.

"You'll get bored being inside Luv."

"I highly doubt being inside with you will be boring." Buffy pulled out a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt from her drawer.

She began to get dressed and Spike spoke.

"Might be able to come up with something to entertain us ya. If we feel like putting our lives at risk one night I can always teach you how to drive that'll probably do it."

"Ok I am not that bad. God I was sixteen it's not my fault no one took the time to teach me. I'm older, I have died twice and won how many apocalypses I am sure I can drive a bloody car." Buffy ranted as she stood there in just her underwear and bra.

Spike couldn't help the huge smile on his face.

"What?" Buffy asked when she saw the look he was giving her.

"I'm sorry it's just you are standing there in nothing just your skivvies and you just said bloody car. That was the sexiest thing I may have ever seen in my life."

Buffy gave Spike a smile as she spoke. "We will be getting to sexy later once you have had the chance to heal Mister."

"I am healed." Spike said with a pout that just screamed Spike in Buffy's head and she couldn't help the chuckle at seeing a clear sign of who Spike used to be before his trip to hell.

"You still have bones that can very easily break not to mention serious sleep deprivation. You need rest and blood in you before you get to be in someone."

Spike couldn't help, but open his mouth in shock at the last part that Buffy said. Buffy chuckled as she finished getting dressed. After a minute Spike found his voice.

"It's probably gonna be a disappointing first trip."

"You never disappoint where sex is concern." Buffy said as she walked over to Spike now that she was fully dressed. "Besides even if the first round is short there is always a second and third and fourth and fifth." Buffy said as she moved her mouth closer to Spike's before she gave him a quick kiss before pulling back. "I'll see you when you get out of the shower. Dawnie might be here though so make sure you have pants on." Buffy said with a smile as she headed out of the room.

Spike just watched Buffy leave the room before he decided that he should get up and get a shower before Dawn got here. He was feeling not too bad right now and he figured that sleeping for three days and getting blood steadily into him had helped clear his mind slightly. He could still smell the stench of Hell on him though and he needed to try and get it off from him. Spike slowly got up being careful of his sore body. He knew it was from his bones not being one hundred percent and that he had to be careful. Even with a steady amount of blood it would be a while still before he could move around without the worry of being stiff or in pain if he moved around too much during the day.

Once standing Spike went over and grabbed some clean black jeans and a clean long sleeved black shirt before he headed out of the bedroom and down to where the bathroom was. He got into the bathroom and turned the hot water on as far as it would go before he got undressed and stepped under the scolding hot water and began to scrub as hard as he could to get the smell off from him.

Buffy headed into the kitchen and got a pot of coffee started before she went and pulled out her cell phone to text Dawnie that they were up and that she could come and see them if she wanted to. Buffy knew that Dawn would be here within minutes so she went and unlocked the door before going back into the kitchen to get a bowl for cereal and the milk. Buffy had just sat down to eat her cereal when the door opened and Dawn came in. Buffy couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face at her sister being so predictable.

Dawn came into the apartment and saw that Buffy was in the kitchen sitting on a stool at the island eating cereal. She came over there with a smile on her face as she spoke.

"So where is he? How is he?"

"He's in the shower and he is fine I think. He slept for the last three days straight and I was able to get him to drink blood every four hours. He seems okay right now. I think the sleep helped a lot. How is it down there?"

"It's been good. Everyone is asking about where you are. And I mean Slayer so it's not like we can say you have come down with a cold or the flu right? We've just been saying that you are tired and need a small break. Willow has been helping Xander get his business all up and running and legal. He's got it figured out now he is just looking for work and workers. Giles is getting a little annoyed by you not showing up."

"I figured. I'm gonna go down there shortly with Spike. He's not really good with crowds and I think his feeing ok is going to go away pretty quickly once he gets around everyone. He's a lot better when he's closed in someplace alone. Hopefully no one gives him any problems." Buffy said with slight worry to her voice.

"Like Giles or Wood who is on his way here with Faith. They called to let us know they landed. They'll be here in like fifteen minutes. How do you think that is going to go over?"

"I don't know. I know Wood and Giles didn't show much sadness towards Spike's death. Giles seemed to believe it was the least he could do after all of the death and destruction he had done in his life. Plus he couldn't be with me so that seemed to make him very happy. Wood was just thrilled to have the person who killed his mother dead."

"Except Spike didn't kill his mother, it was a demon. That's not the same thing. Spike has a soul and his soul was clean and innocent from all of the deaths that his demon made. Spike understood that it's why he wasn't insane for as long as Angel was. Spike shouldn't be held accountable for the pain that a demon caused. He couldn't help it."

"And I know that and the others do too, but you know how Giles gets and Wood doesn't think like that. We'll just keep an eye out and make sure they don't try anything. He spent six months in Hell that should be enough payment for them."

"I still can't believe no one told you. I mean I get that Angel hates Spike, but he must have known that not letting you know would hurt you too. Like really how much could you hate someone that after they spent six months in Hell that you don't call the woman he loves. He spent two months in the hospital, we could have been there for him instead of him going through that alone. He could have already been here getting better. Maybe he would have been better being with us for those months and not on his own. He was in a coma for a month and a half he must have been seriously injured." Dawn said sadly.

"I don't know how injured he was, but Wesley said it was bad. He's still healing from it. He can't be fighting right now and until he's better I'm not going to be going out patrolling very much right now. I just want to focus on him and getting him stronger again."

"Well you have my total support. So did you tell him?" Dawn asked with a smile.

"Tell him what?" Buffy asked.

"That you love him duh."

Buffy got up to put her bowl into the sink before she got some coffee. She sat back down and then spoke.

"Yes I told him and yes we are together." Buffy said with a smile.

"Like together together? Or together where you don't tell anyone?"

"Together, together. We're not making an announcement, but we're not hiding it either. I don't care who knows it. Nothing is going to change how I feel about him and no one is going to tell me that I can't be with him. If Giles doesn't like it then he can go screw himself. I'm not putting up with it. If it gets bad then Spike and I will leave. I'm not losing him again and I'm not screwing up a chance for us. This is our chance and I'm not letting it slip by." Buffy said with strength to her voice.

"Good because he's the best guy you've ever dated. He's always had your back even when he thought you were wrong. He's the only one that hasn't tried to change you, he's just accepted who you are and rolled with it. He's a good man who loves you completely for just who you are. If you couldn't be the Slayer tomorrow he would still love you. That's rare and you should be holding on to him for dear life."

"I plan on it. We've never really had a true chance. When he first loved me I hated him and didn't believe him. Then when I did I died then I came back and he was the only one who never expected anything from me. He just let me be what I needed to be and didn't pressure me. I took his love for me and I used it against him. I abused him and his love and like a true abuse victim he let me. Then what happened in the bathroom when Willow went all crazy. And it really wasn't his fault. I knew there was only so long you can play and hurt a demon before the demon strikes out, but he stopped. The man in him stopped his demon when he could have let it go crazy on me. Then he went and traveled across the world and got tortured just for a soul so he couldn't hurt me like that ever again. Then he was crazy and then the world was ending and then he died. Now he's back and he's still hurt and struggling a lot with what happened to him in Hell. And ya now might not be the best time to start a relationship and live together, but we love each other and it's time I'm there for him for a change. I love him Dawnie. I couldn't even imagine not being with him and you know I haven't been with anyone since I've been with him, not even when he left for his soul. He's the one I want and I don't care if that means there won't be any walks in the park on a sunny day and if I want kids I know he'll be all for it. He's who I want to spend the rest of my life with and we'll make it work."

"I know you both will, because you both want it to work and you both are too stubborn to not let it work. Besides sunlight is so over rated and you sleep most of the day anyways." Dawn said with a smile.

"Exactly so no biggie." Buffy said with a smile.

They both heard the bathroom door open and they knew it was Spike. After a moment Spike walked out to them wearing black jeans, a black long sleeved shirt and his black converse shoes. Dawn could tell that he looked a little better since the last time she saw him at the airport and she gave him a huge smile.

"Mornin' Niblet." Spike said with a soft smile.

"Morning. Can I hug you?"

"Told you, you never have to ask Bit." Spike said as he went over to her and wrapped his arms around Dawn. Dawn hugged him back and after a moment Spike pulled back.

"Do you want something to drink?" Buffy asked.

"Or a cookie. I baked you chocolate chip." Dawn said with a sweet smile.

"How can I say no to your cookies?" Spike asked with a smirk before he walked over to the container on the counter and opened it to see the cookies.

"There are mugs right above you in the cupboard if you want some blood." Buffy said.

"Ta Luv. I guess I need to figure out where everything is." Spike said as he grabbed a mug and went to the fridge to see the packages of blood. He grabbed one as Buffy spoke.

"You will and don't worry about the building, like I said I still get lost."

Spike poured the blood into the mug and put it into the built in microwave.

"Ya and a lot of the new girls are getting lost too. I swear we should have a map like they do in malls. And signs with arrows saying kitchen this way and bathrooms that way. It would really help. You would not believe the number of girls you find wandering around at night because they got lost when they went to the bathroom." Dawn said.

The microwave beeped and Spike took the blood out. He then went over to the cookies and picked one up and took a bite. Spike let out a moan before he spoke. "I've missed your cookies Niblet. You always make the best ones."

"You never said that about the food I cook." Dawn said with a smirk.

"Because the food you cook is very interesting and requires a special palate that I don't have." Spike said as he came to sit beside Buffy on a stool.

"See even a vampire won't eat your cooking." Buffy said with a smirk.

"Whatever, one day I will find a man who will appreciate my cooking abilities." Dawn said with a smug smirk.

"How is school Niblet?" Spike asked.

"It's going good. I go to the high school instead of the school here. So I get away from all of the crazy Slayers. Well not crazy but you know what I mean. It's nice being around people who don't know that there are vampires walking around. It was an adjustment at first though because of the whole proper English language going on over here. By the end of the first day my nickname was Cali for the California girl. Thankfully I was around Giles and you for so long that some of the words I understood. Now it's pretty easy and there are so many different languages that I can learn here. I'm already looking for Universities. I was thinking Cambridge or Oxford."

"Cambridge is a very good school. I got my Masters' degree from Cambridge way back in the day." Spike said.

"You went to Cambridge? Get out of here." Buffy said amazed.

"I got a Masters in History and a B.A in English Literature."

"Wow, Cambridge is ranked the second best school in the world. Giles only went to Oxford, ranked number five. That means you have more education than Giles does." Dawn said amazed.

"It was over a hundred years ago, but ya I do. Cambridge has always been a top school. It's grown a lot too for residences and facilities. I know a demon who is on the board if you were thinking of going there he would give you acceptance."

"Look at you with connections to Universities." Buffy said with a smile.

"I'm a year away and I'm still looking into schools, but Cambridge is one I'm really thinking about. I just need to figure out exactly what I want to study for. I'll totally let you know when I decide though." Dawn said with a smile.

"You said that you go to a normal school, but the others don't. Where do they go?" Spike asked.

"We have one of the floors designated for schooling. We have teachers that were old Watchers that retired but went to school and got a degree in something. We also have teachers that know about demons and vampires so they don't think twice about what we do." Buffy explained.

"Why don't they go to a normal high school?" Spike asked.

"Giles thought it would be better to have everyone here so we wouldn't have to worry about them being attacked while they got to school. Plus some of them don't speak English so there was a language barrier. Here we have teachers that speak their language and teach them English. This way they are here for school and then afterwards they go to training." Buffy said.

"That's unhealthy." Spike simply said.

"It might be one of those things we need to address." Buffy said in understanding.

"Giles is really all for it, but I know a lot of the girls are kinda bitter that I get to go to a normal school and do normal things and they don't." Dawn said.

"There are some things that we may need to change. I'm going to take some time off and really pay close attention to how the girls feel and go from there. I also need to speak to Giles about a thing or two." Buffy said.

"Well I know that a bunch of the girls are getting tired of the same routine seven days a week. They want to go out to the mall and explore the city during the day. They want to play sports like they used to. They seem to be getting more and more frustrated recently the longer this goes on for. I mean they don't really get a break. Some of them don't sleep every night because they have to patrol after their training and then they get back and they have homework they have to do so they don't sleep for a couple of days at a time." Dawn said.

"That's not good." Spike said with worry in his voice.

"It's not. I'll take care of it." Buffy said in a serious voice.

"Why is it not good? Or is that for the obvious reasons that a bunch of frustrated and sleep deprived Slayers mean for grumpiness." Dawn said.

"There's been some Slayers in the past that I didn't know about that has turned to the dark side you could say. They either became criminals with their own vampire and demon packs or they just neglected their duties all together. Spike told me about it. It's something we need to watch out for and make sure we aren't holding anyone hostage that doesn't want this life. They need the training, but once they are trained I don't want to force anyone to fight on our army. They should be allowed to go back home with some kind of agreement. I'll speak to Giles and the Council today when everyone is here for it." Buffy explained.

"Who is on the Council?" Spike asked.

"Giles, myself, Faith, Willow, Xander, David an old Watcher and Chris another old Watcher." Buffy answered.

"So you would have the majority with Faith, Red and Xander." Spike said.

"Ya if it was a split decision vote." Buffy said.

"That will come in handy down the line. Old Watchers don't tend to like change or being told they are wrong. They'll fight you on it." Spike said.

"I can handle it. In the end I am their Slayer and Faith backs me up. If I left she would too and that's not something the Council would be prepared for no matter how many Slayers they have." Buffy said.

Dawn's phone chimed and she checked it before she spoke. "Speaking of Faith, she's here."

"Are you okay to come down and see Faith, Wood is with her." Buffy said.

"It's fine. I have to see everyone eventually right? Can always come back up here."

"Yes you can. Alright let's get out of here then." Buffy said as she got up and put her and Spike's empty mug into the sink.

They all headed out of the apartment and down to the elevator and took it down to the first floor. Buffy held onto Spike's hand as they went down in the elevator and she didn't let go once they stepped out. Spike allowed Buffy to guide him down the hallways into the main living room. Spike and Buffy stayed in the doorway while Dawn went into the room and smiled. Giles, Faith, Wood, Kennedy, Xander and Willow were all in the room and the second they saw Spike Giles, Faith and Wood were shocked. Xander, Kennedy and Willow just gave a smile at seeing Spike after the last three days.

"Holy shit." Faith said with a smile as she got up from the couch. "Damn Big Bad when the hell did you come back to life?"

"Um…three months ago." Spike said slightly uncomfortable with the attention on him.

"How? How did this happen?" Giles asked confused of the situation.

"Why are you two holding hands?" Wood asked with a slight disgust that Buffy, a Slayer would be holding hands with a vampire that killed two of her sisters.

"Spike was trapped in the amulet and he was released from it somehow three months ago. He spent two months in the hospital. I found out when Xander, Andrew and I went down to L.A for the Slayers." Buffy answered ignoring Wood's question.

"Is his soul still intake? Is there any residual magic around him? Have you done any research on this before bringing him here? And why are you holding hands?" Giles asked annoyed that Buffy didn't think before bringing Spike here. Plus she was still holding Spike's hand.

"His soul is still there and no I didn't run a million tests on him before bringing him _home_. As for holding hands, we're together get over it." Buffy said with her own edge to her voice.

"Buffy after everything he has done, why would you bring him here around these girls? How could you even entertain letting him touch you? How could you be so stupid?" Wood said angered and disgusted.

"I don't know who you are, but you don't have the right to talk to her that way." Spike said with as much strength that he could manage, but it wasn't much.

"What's this now? You going to play stupid and pretend that you don't know me or anyone else? Or maybe just the people that you killed their mother?" Wood asked with anger.

"What?" Spike asked with confusion as he looked at Buffy for the answer.

"That's Wood. He was in Sunnydale with us for the final battle. His mother was Nikki Wood the Slayer from New York that you killed when you were evil." Buffy said calmly.

"Sure evil, but he had a soul when he bit me and almost killed me." Wood said with anger.

"You tried to kill him what did you expect would happen?" Faith said annoyed that Wood would try and act like he was innocent in that fight.

"You deserve better than to be with a vampire Buffy. The Council will not approve of this." Giles tried to reason.

"I'm fine with it." Faith said with support to Buffy and Spike.

"Me too." Willow said with strength.

"I'm happy for them and I wish them the best." Xander said with complete honesty to his voice.

"Yes well that is still three to three, Buffy's vote doesn't count obviously. What about the new Slayers and Potentials. How are they going to react to having a vampire in the one place they are supposed to feel safe in?" Giles asked clearly pissed off that Buffy would do something like this. "Why would you allow her to make this foolish, irresponsible decision?" Giles asked Xander with annoyance and anger.

"Allow me? I am not a child and you have no right to tell me what to do. I don't need permission to have Spike live with me. I have died twice, I have saved the world how many times now. I don't have to justify my actions and if the other Slayers and Potentials have a problem with it then they can get over it. The Council is going to get over it or they will not have me. Spike and I will leave and I will no longer be your Slayer it's that simple. No one is going to rule my life. So accept it or don't I don't care because Spike and I are together. I love him and anyone who has a problem with that can go fuck themselves." Buffy said with anger.

"And I'm all for having Spike here. If he hadn't agreed to coming I would have stayed in L.A with him until he was ready. Buffy has been miserable for the past nine months. I'm not about to stand in her way of happiness, especially with a man that has gone to literally Hell for her and the world. Spike's a good man and I couldn't be happier for them." Xander said.

"Ta mate." Spike said sincerely.

"The girls will get over it once they meet him. The ones from Sunnydale will know he's alright and they will tell the others. Having Spike around here isn't going to cause a big war among the girls." Faith said.

"Ya besides it's important for them to learn that the world isn't so black and white. They are pretty naive in thinking that all demons are bad." Dawn said.

"That is how they are taught so they don't question everything they do. It's not safe for them that way Dawn." Giles said in a slight condescending tone.

"It's not fair or right for them to be killing safe and innocent demons either. They need to learn that life is all grey." Dawn said back.

"If he came back with you then where has he been the whole time?" Wood asked.

"Up in the apartment with me. Where else would he be living?" Buffy said annoyed that they weren't getting past this.

"So you've been hiding a vampire in your apartment for three days?" Wood asked slightly shocked that no one noticed.

"I wasn't hiding anyone. Spike lives with me and we were taking some time to adjust. I'm allowed time to myself." Buffy said back.

"And when do you plan on telling the others how a vampire will now live here?" Giles asked clearly annoyed still.

"Today alright? We're telling them today. Spike and I are living together. We are together. I love him and he loves me it is just that simple. If you have a problem with it then we'll leave and you can go about your business with your academy of Slayers because I won't be a part of it. There are plenty of cities we can go to." Buffy said in a deadly serious voice and Giles knew she would do just that.

"Then you can be the one to explain to the girls why they shouldn't kill him and you better do it soon." Giles said clearly not happy that he wasn't going to get his way.

"I was planning on doing it now. Dawnie, get the girls and the Watchers and have them all go into the lecture hall. We'll do it in fifteen minutes." Buffy said more calmly to Dawn.

"On it." Dawn said before she headed out.

"I'll go help." Kennedy said.

"I need some fresh air." Wood said with disgust towards Spike before he headed for the front door and out onto the front porch.

"One mistake, one attempt on any of the peoples' lives who live in this building Spike and I will kill you myself. Soul or no soul." Giles said in a deadly tone as he looked right at Spike.

"Leave him alone. He won't hurt anyone. He would never hurt them so you can leave him the hell alone." Buffy said right back to Giles.

"Your judgement has been compromised. It has been for a long time. For the lives of the innocent people in this building I hope you know what you are doing." Giles said before he walked out of the living room.

"I know he's never liked me, but it seems to be worse now. I don't understand did something happen?" Spike asked Buffy with confusion in his eyes.

"Do you remember having a trigger that the First put in your head?" Buffy started.

"Ya."

"Do you remember how you broke it?"

Spike tried to think about it, but all it did was cause pain in his head so Spike shook his head slightly.

"Giles and Wood came up with a plan that you needed to be killed. Wood was doing it for his own revenge against your demon killing his mother, Nikki, the Slayer in New York. Giles was doing it because he said that we relied on each other too much and that you were a danger to me because I was too blind to see what the repercussions of our friendship could bring. It was bullshit then and it is now. You were the one to give me the strength to face Caleb again to get the Sythe. Without you there that night I wouldn't have continued on. Giles kept me busy with training. He had me fight against this fledge while he talked at me. Wood took you back to his place, because Giles didn't want you in the house alone with the girls until the trigger was gone. You told me how Wood played the song and you went into some weird trans. He got a few good hits into you before you were able to break the trigger and you beat him. I figured out what Giles was doing and ran to Wood's place and I got there just as you were coming out. Since then things between Giles and me have been rough." Buffy said.

"Hm" Spike said clearly thinking about what Buffy had told him.

"Are you okay?" Buffy asked gently.

"Just need some time with that one luv."

"Giles has a problem with you because he feels like you were taking his place in Buffy's life. He'll get over it or he won't, but we're not going to let him try anything like the last time." Xander said.

"Ya and we didn't know about that happening until after it happened. We would have told you or Buffy about it." Willow said.

"And don't worry about Wood, I got him under wraps. Plus we'll be leaving in a week to go back to Cleveland. He won't try anything or I'll kick his ass and he knows it." Faith said.

"Come on, let's head to the lecture hall and we can get this over with." Buffy said to Spike with a small smile she hoped was comforting.

Spike just gave a nod and they all started to make their way down the hallways. Buffy and Spike were behind everyone and Buffy spoke softly enough just so Spike could hear her.

"The other thing we talked about this morning, you don't have to do that now if you aren't comfortable."

"Might as well get it all over and done with ya? It's not so bad today as long as afterwards I don't have to play social."

"We'll head back home afterwards. No more socialness for either of us today after this I swear."

They headed into the room where it was halfway full of Slayers, Potentials and Watchers. None of which Spike recognized. Buffy continued to hold onto Spike's hand as they went over to the front of the class and they both leaned against the table. Xander, Willow, Faith and Dawn went over to the side with Kennedy to let Spike and Buffy have their space. It wasn't even a couple of minutes before a few of the Sunnydale Slayers came through the door and they instantly recognized Spike.

"Spike." Melissa said with a huge smile.

They all went to go over to them but Xander stood in their way as he spoke.

"Give them some space right now."

"It's Spike, how is he alive?" Jessica asked amazed that he was really here.

"All will be explained. Just grab a seat please." Xander said.

The girls knew they weren't going to get any answers just in that moment so they went to grab a seat near the front of the room. Xander continued to guide everyone to their seats as they walked in. Seeing Spike had certainly brought up some curiosity among everyone. They could all hear the whispers from around the room. The ones that knew Spike were trying to figure out how he was here. The ones that didn't thought that he was Buffy's new boyfriend and some were able to tell he was a vampire and they were furious that he was here. Once Wood and Giles came into the room they closed the door signally that everyone was here. The room was full of Slayers, Potentials and Watchers, close to two hundred people were in this room and Buffy could feel Spike's hands shaking more and she knew if he had both hands free he would have been scratching the back of his hand from his anxiety. The room was completely quiet once the door closed and all eyes turned to Buffy and Spike at the front. All of them waiting to hear what was going on.

"For those of you that don't know, this is Spike and yes he is a vampire." Buffy started.

"What the hell is a vampire doing here?" Kristy asked, a new Slayer they had found in Paris.

"He's an ally. A very strong ally who died saving the world with us nine months ago. Spike is the reason you are all alive. Those of you that were not with us in Sunnydale you have been taught a very black and white structure of the demon world. Those of us from Sunnydale know that is not true. There is a lot of grey in this world that you walk in. Spike is the perfect example of that. Spike went two years ago roughly to Africa and he endured weeks of torture just to reclaim his soul that he lost a hundred years ago. Even before the soul he helped us to stop apocalypses and he fought demons and took care of Dawn when I couldn't. He started off as an enemy and circumstances made it so that he became something else and now he is a friend, a family member and the man that I love. You can trust him. He has a soul. He's the only vampire to ever get his soul like that in history. He is proof that your world is not black and white." Buffy said.

"How did he come back? He died we all saw that he wasn't there in the crater." Another Sunnydale Slayer asked.

"The amulet that Spike wore ended up trapping him within it. It was then somehow collected and sent to Wolfram and Hart in LA to Angel. Angel didn't open it until three months ago and Spike came out of it. He spent two months in the hospital, six of those weeks in a coma. We didn't know. Angel didn't call me for his own jealous and petty reasons. Spike didn't know that I hadn't been informed. I found out from Wesley when Xander and Andrew and I went down to collect the new Slayers. Spike agreed to come back with us and he's been living with me for the past three days." Buffy answered.

"So we're just supposed to live here with a vampire sleeping upstairs?" A new Slayer asked shocked.

"Do vampires sleep?" A Potential asked.

"Yes vampires sleep, but they can go longer without needed it. And yes he is living here with me and he won't hurt you. He lived in my house in Sunnydale with all of the Sunnydale Slayers and he never hurt them. You can ask them and they will tell you the same thing." Buffy said.

"He helped to train us and he protected us. We're all really glad he is back." Kennedy said with a smile to Spike.

"Will he be training us now?" A Potential asked.

"Maybe. We haven't gotten into anything yet. Spike is still healing from being in the amulet. Give him some time." Buffy answered.

A new Watcher put up his hand and Buffy nodded in his direction.

"Anthony Richards, I am a new Watcher I am training with a Potential, Heather. I was just wondering if a vampire can have a soul does that mean some demons could have a soul? And if so are we supposed to kill them?" Anthony asked with a French accent.

Buffy turned to Spike.

"Do demons have souls?" Buffy asked confused.

"No, well if they were half-breeds then yes." Spike answered.

"Half-breed?" Another Watcher asked.

"You don't really teach them anything then." Spike said to Buffy, but the others heard him in the quiet room.

"We teach the girls how to win and we teach the Watchers some fighting skills and valuable information and techniques for researching. We go over popular demons and what they are capable of." Giles said annoyed at Spike's comment.

"Same old Council then." Spike mumbled and Buffy knew he was annoyed that things seemed to just be repeating.

"What's a half-breed?" Anthony asked as no one had answered.

"A half-breed is someone who is human and a demon. A human mates with a demon and a sproug is made. That sproug is half demon, but they are half human so they look human, they have a heartbeat, a soul everything a human has. The difference is they will get parts of the demon DNA it could be they could change into the demon or if the demon had stronger senses or psychic abilities. It varies on the person." Spike answered.

"So they are good. They have a soul." A new Slayer asked.

"I'm kinda shooting myself in the foot here, but a soul doesn't make you good. It's the same with humans. You have prisons full of humans with bright shinny souls that have killed and done things even in my evilest days I would never have done. A soul doesn't make you good. You have to want to be. Some half-breeds are bad, some are good. There are a lot of demons that are good and hardworking and there are a lot that are all about death and destruction. Just like humans can be." Spike answered.

"So then how are we supposed to know the difference? Are we just supposed to kill all demons and hope they weren't good?" A new Slayer asked.

"You research. You and your Watcher go through books on demons and you memorise the ones that are good and the ones that are bad. I didn't do that until over four years ago when Spike told me about there being a difference. I didn't even think there was such a thing as a good demon. Spike told me about it and I did the research so I wouldn't kill someone that was innocent. Because there are innocent demons. Demons can have children and work for a living. They eat normal food and they live a normal life in a house with their family. We're not here to hunt down and kill every demon. We're here to protect the innocent and that includes demons. From here on out we are going to focus heavily on knowing the difference in breeds because it does matter. Just like where your power comes from. The truth matters." Buffy said.

"What do you mean where our power comes from? We're Slayers, the Powers that Be gave us our power and you gave it to us through that Sythe." Amanda asked confused about what Buffy was talking about.

"The original power. Seems like that story is wrong. Thankfully Spike knows how it really works how we all got to be Potentials and then a Slayer." Buffy said.

"I thought we were just born with it." A new Slayer said confused.

"If that's how it worked then when you were a tyke and threw a hissy fit you would have brought down your house. It's not something you were born with it's something you were chosen for, hence Heaven's chosen one." Spike said calmly.

"So then how does it work? I mean there are potentials all over the world, why them? Why the Slayer they picked over the others?" Dawn asked now very interested and curious.

"Because everyone is different. Take Buffy and Faith perfect example, they couldn't be any more different. Buffy came from a loving home; very happy and stable. The powers saw something in her that they decided to give her the potential to be a Slayer. It would have been around the age of twelve to fifteen. She wouldn't have always noticed it right away, most don't, but at that age range a person's mind is more open to the impossible. You aren't too young to not understand it, but you aren't old enough to dismiss it completely. It's why all potentials and Slayers are so young, they need to be. They are also easier to train and they tend to be healthy."

"So the Powers that Be saw something in us and they gave us the demon essence to see how it would react to us?" A Potential asked slightly confused.

"The Potentials don't get all of the demon essence. You only get a little taste of it just enough for you to start realising that something is different with you. The Powers watch to see how the Potential reacts and handles that new information. And for every Potential that is accepting of it there is one that isn't. The ones that don't except it don't get called at risk of them refusing their duty. Most are accepting of it, because they believe out of hundreds it won't be them that gets called. It's when you have a potential like that, that becomes a problem when they are in fact called." Spike said.

"So back to the me and B thing." Faith said as she leaned against the wall.

"Right. Buffy and you came from a different world. You came from an unstable life and shitty home life. You were alone except for your Watcher that was killed. But the Powers saw something in you that they felt Buffy needed. When Buffy died and was brought back a new Slayer hadn't been called that fast. She was only dead for not even two minutes. It can take weeks before a new Slayer is called while the Powers decide. Buffy isn't the first Slayer to have died and been brought back within minutes. Once she was back alive they didn't need Kendra to be called, but they did anyways." Spike said.

"Why?" Buffy asked.

"My assumption is they felt that you needed someone else on your side at the time. Angelus was poking around having another Slayer for that fight wouldn't be a problem. They screwed up on who they gave you. Kendra and you were too opposite. She followed the rules to the letter and you like to skate around the edges. Once she died they again didn't need to call forth another Slayer, they still had you, but once again they wanted to give you someone else to help with the burden. They gave you Faith. Someone who doesn't follow the rules, more out there. Someone to get you more in love with the job and more open to being happy with it. You needed that and she needed someone that would be there for her and someone to keep her in check. Didn't work. But in theory it could have." Spike said.

"You just had to go all end of the world crazy." Buffy teased lightly to Faith.

"Well you know me B. I get bored." Faith said with a smirk.

"But now they are really close so in the end it worked." Kennedy said.

"It did. They accepted each other back in Sunnyhell. Buffy will always lead the army and Faith will always be the one standing right there beside her no matter what. In the end it worked what the Powers wanted. They gave Buffy a powerful warrior to fight beside her and someone that could finally understand what it feels like to be a Slayer."

"So each Potential that turns into a Slayer is chosen for a reason. They saw what power Buffy had inside of her and they saw that Faith is a warrior even before she was a Slayer." A new Slayer said.

"Buffy is the light Slayer and Faith is the dark Slayer. Both are good and both are strong warriors. It works." Spike said.

"If the Powers only pick certain Potentials does that mean that some of us were never supposed to be a Slayer?" A new Slayer asked.

"Realistically, out of you lot in your lifetime only one maybe would have been called. And that's assuming Faith or Buffy died before you lot were too old within the next four or five years. Chances are none of you would have been called before you reached the age of eighteen. Afterwards if you were the right one the Powers wanted they would pick you over others. There have been some Slayers to get called in their twenties." Spike answered knowing where this was going to be going.

"Let me get this straight then. Because you people from Sunnydale decided to do a spell all of our lives were changed and we were forced into a different world. We were robbed of a normal life because of you people." Courtney asked a new Slayer from New York.

Buffy looked over at Spike reach quick and she could see the 'I told you so' look in his eyes.

"Ok, how about we do this old school here. By a show of hands how many of you hate being a Slayer or the idea that you will be one day?" Xander asked from the side of the room. He had this conversation with Spike and he knew by that comment from Courtney that he was right on the money with it.

Out of the hundred current Slayers, twenty-five of them raised their hands and out of the fifty Potentials forty of them raised their hands. The others were shocked to see how many Potentials just didn't want to have this life. They were also surprised at the twenty-five Slayers that didn't want to be a Slayer. They had never even seen that any of them were having different feelings about it. Buffy gave a nod and they all put their hands back down.

"The Council and I will talk. I'll see what can be done."

"Buffy you know they need to be trained. We are not the ones that gave them the Potential. That came from the Powers that Be. We have no control over that." Giles said.

"No, but we do have control over what happens next. So we'll talk about it. We'll have the meeting tomorrow morning so make sure the other two Watchers are there. It might be time for changes." Buffy said.

"Are you saying we might be able to leave and go back home?" One Potential asked with hope in her eyes.

"I'm not saying anything just yet. I'll talk to the Council and see what we can do. So unless there are other questions that sums up this meeting. Everyone take the day off. No school, no training, no studying and no patrol. Go out and have some fun. Be back by ten for curfew." Buffy said.

"Seriously?" A new Slayer asked with a smile.

"Go be teenagers. Go shopping at the mall and scope out guys or girls. Go be normal for a few hours just be back by curfew." Buffy said.

The room erupted with little claps and cheers as they all got up and practically ran out of the room excited to be getting out. Once the room was empty of the Slayers, Potentials and Watchers Giles spoke.

"Buffy."

"No Giles I don't want to hear it. They need some time off to be just themselves. We've been running them into the ground and we lost focus of what truly mattered and what we were doing. I don't want to be a more humane Initiative. I'm not forcing any of these girls to this life if that isn't what they truly want. It's only going to get them killed and make them resentful." Buffy cut him off.

"They can't be out there uneducated and untrained." Giles said back calmly.

"So we educate and train them and then let them decide if they wish to continue or not. It doesn't mean that if something huge happens that we can't call them for help. It's not right to force them into this life and I won't do it or stand by it. I shouldn't have this long, but I just never even thought of it. It's time we made changes with what we're doing. We can't ignore the powers, but we can't take everything else away from them and treat them like soldiers. That's not right either. So tomorrow we will meet and figure something out that everyone can be happy with."

"I do not wish to force anyone either or for a Slayer to be killed because she didn't have the heart for it. Tomorrow we can try to come to some kind of agreement or arrangement for this situation." Giles agreed.

"So now what?" Faith asked with a smile.

"Spike and I are going upstairs to relax. It's up to you guys what you want to do." Buffy said.

"I feel like I should be doing something productive." Xander said as he started to head out of the lecture hall with everyone following behind him.

"Like what?" Dawn asked.

"I don't know yet. I was thinking maybe I should go out and hand out some business cards and try to get some work lined up." Xander said.

"What like door to door?" Willow asked.

"No to like those guys that buy rundown houses and then hire contractors to flip them. This is London there must be a lot of work here." Xander said.

"A lot of work with more competition. What did Sunnydale have like two construction companies?" Faith asked.

"Not the point. More competition sure, but more work. Plus it's me I am totally a people person and with this eye patch I can get the sympathy jobs." Xander said with a smile.

"Way to take advantage of your handicap." Willow said sarcastically.

They reach the front of the house again and Xander spoke as he turned around.

"Hey I don't have a handicap permit or carrying around a sign saying give me money for a new eye. It's not my fault that if someone sees my eye patch they feel bad and pick me over the other guys."

"Hello Buffy."

The new voice stopped the conversation and everyone turned to the living room to see a man standing there. Buffy recognized him, but the others didn't. She took a few steps forward to see Whistler standing there in the living room with a smile on his face.

"Who the hell is this guy?" Faith asked clearly on edge.

"Whistler. What the hell are you doing here?" Buffy asked going on edge herself.

"Who is he?" Kennedy asked.

"Whistler, he's a liaison or speaker for the Powers that Be. He's the one that told Angel to find me when I moved to Sunnydale. I haven't seen you since I was seventeen. What the hell are you doing here?" Buffy asked not liking it.

"Why are you all just standing there? Come on in and sit down. I'll give you the 4-1-1 as you kids say." Whistler said with a smile.

"Nobody says that anymore." Dawn said, but they all slowly started to make their way into the room.

Spike stayed back by the doorway and Buffy stood close by him still with her attention fully on Whistler. Faith, Wood and Giles went over to the couch by the one bay window to Buffy's left and the others went over to the other side of the room to her right.

"Spit it out Whistler." Buffy said clearly impatient with the waiting.

"Short and simple I'm here because of Spike."

Buffy stood up straighter and was clearly shifting into Slayer mode. She was ready to fight if she had to.

"What would the Powers that Be want with a vampire?" Wood asked.

"Try everything. It's a bit of a tale though." Whistler said.

"Then get on with it." Buffy said with a deadly tone.

"Things had to change. You changed a lot when you did that special little spell. The Powers had to be ready for the consequences, assuming it worked. The second Spike was released from the amulet things changed, he's still changing. I would have been by sooner to explain, but he's just now getting back to where he belongs and after a few days of rest the Powers thought his mind would be able to handle the information." Whistler turned to look at Spike. "The Powers know how much you hate when things change that are out of your control. Your minded needed the three days of straight sleep to help your mind process what I'm gonna be telling you."

"Except you haven't actually told us anything." Xander said now annoyed at how long it was taking to get anything useful out of Whistler.

"Show and tell it is then." Whistler said before he turned and before anyone could stop him he waived his hand and all of the curtains opened flooding the room with sunlight.

Spike immediately stepped back into the safety of the shade by the front door and the set of stairs. He could still see the living room, but he wasn't in risk of the sunlight. Xander grabbed Whistler by the front of his shirt and got into his face as Kennedy and Dawn went to the curtains.

"I don't know what the hell game you are playing at, but I'm not going to let you hurt Spike. I don't care who sent you, you son of a bitch." Xander growled out with anger.

"Look it's fine. Sunlight can't hurt him anymore really." Whistler said as he held his hands up as Xander still held him by the shirt.

"What do you mean sunlight can't hurt him anymore?" Giles asked more interested in why Whistler was here then if Spike was safe.

"I told you it's kinda a long story, thought I'd cut to the chase but apparently not."

"Let him go Xander." Buffy said as she stepped up to Whistler.

Xander let Whistler go with a shove. He took a quick look over at Spike to make sure he wasn't hurt before Buffy spoke again.

"Start talking and it better be good before I send you back to the Powers that Be in a bag." Buffy said in full Slayer voice.

"Alright, alright just relax. Really the sunlight won't hurt him. I'm not trying to hurt him or anyone. I'm one of the good guys remember?"

"Shut up and talk." Buffy snapped out as she took a few steps back half blocking Spike from Whistler.

"The Powers saw that you wanted to do that spell back in SunnyD. It came to a shock to them and they didn't even know if it was possible. With a spell that size though there are consequences. You've heard it from Spike before, magic always has consequences and he's right. Really it didn't surprise any of us that he was against the spell, but he loves Buffy so he stood by her. You might have wished you listened to him when those consequences eventually come up and they will. You can't change the world to that extreme without something else happening in return. With this spell on the table they had to come up with something right quick in case it actually worked. The amulet wasn't supposed to kill Spike. He was supposed to have survived it, but the second that spell worked and those Potentials turned into Slayers his fate was sealed. They planned quickly just in case. Spike was that plan, he was the start of something new for the good guys to help balance out the consequences."

"Wait are you saying because I did the spell Spike died?" Willow asked hurt and upset.

"The spell worked so he had to die to make everything afterwards possible." Whistler answered.

"Oh my God." Willow said with hurt and Kennedy grabbed onto her hand.

"It's not your fault. It was my idea to do the spell." Buffy said.

"It's no one's fault." Spike said, speaking for the first time since being in the lecture hall.

"Spike." Buffy started.

"No, it's no one's fault. I could have died that day regardless, spell or no spell. I went into that school knowing it. It was my choice one I don't regret making. There's no guilt to be had on my account Luv." Spike said calmly.

"What was the plan?" Giles asked.

"The plan didn't go according to plan you could say. The amulet would trap him, but it was only supposed to be for nineteen days or a hundred years for him in the Hell dimension. Instead Angel didn't open it until six months or twelve hundred and fifty-three years for him." Whistler said sympathetically.

"Oh my God." Buffy said softly with hurt in her voice.

"On the plus side you're stronger because your body counts those years as actual years so you've over thirteen hundred years old." Whistler said as he looked at Spike before he continued. "The Powers aren't happy about the situation. They wanted to award Spike with something very powerful and rare. They wanted him to be the start of something new, something that would be the start in a long line that would end evil for good. But you can't give something like that to someone that was once swimming in evil. It's the same with Angel. They had gypsies curse him with a soul and then he lost it and went to Hell. The Powers brought him back after they felt that he learnt a very valuable lesson so he wouldn't risk losing his soul again. In order to bring him back into the world he had to pay for it and that was through time in Hell. For Spike he was supposed to only be trapped in the amulet for nineteen days, a hundred years. Those years were going to be his payment for all of the lives his demon killed. That way when he was released the Powers could grant him his gift without the universe exploding. You always have to have the balance and that would have made it possible."

"He still would have had to endure a hundred years of Hell though." Dawn said hurt and disgusted that it had happened to Spike.

"But it would have been nothing, especially compared to the time he really spent there. He wouldn't have been that weak when he was released at worst he would have been at seventy percent. He just needed some blood and rest and he would have been fine. His mind and emotions would have been shaky but after a couple of months he would have moved on from it. He survived decades with Angelus a trip to Hell for a short time would have been easy, not fun, but not completely damaging. They were also hoping that with Spike being near Angel, his Sire, and with them both having souls that Angel would have changed his views on Spike. He would have taken him under his wing and they could have become what they were supposed to be even when they were evil. But Angel couldn't see past his own jealousy and image of Spike even before he ever laid eyes on him over a century ago. Now its been nine months and Spike was there for six months, twelve hundred and fifty-three years is a long time to be in Hell. Too long for someone with a soul." Whistler's eyes turned to Spike and Spike was having a hard time hearing any of this.

He felt like Whistler could just look right through him and see all of his pain and misery. He was trying to hold it together. He was trying to go through the routine and get better like he did with his soul, but it wasn't that easy. All he wanted to do was be somewhere all alone where he didn't have to worry about someone hurting him. He didn't know how much more social interaction he could take today. The others turned to look at Spike and Buffy half turned her body keeping her eyes on Whistler, but also aware of Spike.

Whistler spoke as he looked right at Spike. "You're trying. You're trying so hard to get through the day. Everything is different now. Before you could hide away in that small little apartment and pretend like nothing was out there. No one there to notice that you weren't sleeping, that you weren't eating. No one there to notice that just existing was agonizing. Now you are here back with people who care about you. People who know you. You want to be better, you want to be okay for yourself, for them. A routine and a purpose made you get better after your soul. You had nightmares, but you could deal with them. You accepted that a demon committed those crimes and not the man with a soul. You were hoping that being back in a routine again would help you heal again, but it's not the same thing. It won't make it better and the Powers have no idea if you will ever be okay. If you'll ever be the same again, if you'll ever get back into the fight or if you are just done for good.

They think you are eighty percent physically healed, just some blood and rest and you'll be good to go, but that's not true and you know it. You know of the pain your body is in each and every second of the day. At best you are thirty percent healed physically. You hide it, because it's what you have been conditioned to do. You can't show pain or weakness, because that will just result in unbearable torment. Mentally and emotionally you're not even playing the same game, you're nowhere near it. The constant images that are suffocating. You scrubbing your skin till it bleeds just to get the smell of Hell off of you, a smell that only lives in your head. At the end of day twelve hundred and fifty-three years in Hell is too long. And coming back from that is next to impossible, even for a warrior as strong as you. The Powers are pissed that it happened to you and hate that it did. Sorry doesn't even come close." Whistler said with sympathy in his voice as he looked directly at Spike the whole time.

Spike was barely hanging on as he listened to Whistler's little monolog about how he was dealing with things. He knew Whistler was right he wasn't okay and he was in an extreme amount of pain and hiding it. He had gotten very good at hiding it, putting on a face so no one could tell anything was wrong. The only little tell he seemed to have was scratching the back of his hand, which he was doing now and it was bleeding. Buffy took notice and she walked the small space between them and placed her hands gently over his and spoke softly to him so the others didn't hear her.

"Hey it's okay. We'll get through it no matter what. Nothing changes that I love you. We'll be back home soon and we can just relax okay. Just hang on a little longer and then it'll just be us alone. I'm right here with you."

Spiked looked at Buffy and he could see the love in her eyes. He didn't understand it. He didn't understand why she would love him knowing he was so broken and couldn't be what she needed or wanted anymore. He truly didn't believe he would ever be fighting again. He couldn't understand why she would want anything to do with him if he couldn't be what she needed. Buffy held onto Spike's hand and turned to face Whistler again, but she kept her body in front of Spike to shield him subconsciously.

"Get to your point and get there fast." Buffy said to Whistler in a tone that he knew meant she wasn't going to put up with much more.

"The Powers chose Spike to be their Warrior, their Champion. The one that would stand beside the Slayers and fight with them and protect them. They chose him to be their protector out of everyone in the whole world. They had been watching him from the moment he crawled his way out of his grave. At first it was out of fear that he would be like Angelus and destroy the world one day, but then they saw the change and it happened before anyone even knew it. He began to tame down once Angelus was cursed and no longer an influence and the threat of torture was removed. Then the killing and destruction went down. By the time Drusilla and Spike broke up it was completely gone. He only killed when he fed and that was only when he had to and not just for the hell of it. Subconsciously he wanted to change. He always kept his human emotions, but in order to survive Angelus he kept them hidden. After being free from that the emotions started to come back and the change started.

The first was Harmony. She was opposite of Drusilla in every way. Spike found her dirty, starving and half dead. He got her cleaned up and feed and he took her under his wing. Taught her how to fight and how to feed. She didn't dominate the relationship. She didn't expect anything from him. Then the chip happened and again he allowed the change to happen. He could have got a pack together and burnt the whole town to ash, but he didn't. He even kept Harmony around who wouldn't pressure him to going back to kill. She could have brought him fresh kills to feed off of, but he never asked her too. She even drank packaged blood with him. The Powers started to watch him in a different manner. He started to become who he truly was at his core and that was only made stronger when he got his soul." Whistler said.

"That's great, but we don't need the history lesson, we were there for it. We lived it together. When the hell do you get to the point of you being here?" Xander asked clearly growing impatient.

"Wow you people really like to rush things don't you? Here I am trying to be helpful and give a little depth and backstory to everything and you all just want the last line in the book. Fine he was made immortal, hence no longer having a sun allergy."

"But he's a vampire, he's already immortal." Dawn said confused.

"Vampires aren't immortal. Immortal means unkillable. Spike can't die, well actually he could there's a little hiccup." Whistler said.

"Which is?" Buffy asked.

"Until his body is one hundred percent healed he could still get killed, but sunlight won't bother him even at his current health level. Once he's all fully healed up then he could get his head cut off and it still won't kill him. Don't get me wrong it would hurt like a bitch and he can still get injured just like normal, but he won't die from it. He was granted a huge gift, a few of you were granted a huge gift."

"A few?" Faith asked.

"See that's part of the story you had me shut up about. The Powers were expecting Spike to come back after nineteen days. When he didn't and as the days turned into weeks and then months they knew something else would need to happen to keep him going. Spike as you know is co-dependent on people." Whistler turned his attention to Spike as he continued. "It's not your fault it happens. I mean it was just you and your mom and she got sick when you were young. You spent your whole life dedicated to school and taking care of her. Then you died and you took care of Drusilla, then Harmony and then you were on your own, but you really weren't. You still had the Scoobies and the Slayer to be around. You didn't like each other, but they at least acknowledged that you existed and you helped them out. Then you took care of Dawn and then Buffy when she came back and then a whole house full of teenage girls. Coming back from Hell after this long it's not something you could survive on your own. The Powers were worried that you wouldn't be there for the Slayers in the future if you were on your own without any connections. So they gave you some."

"They made those Potentials in L.A get called so Buffy would go down there?" Kennedy asked.

"They did. After three months and Angel not contacting Buffy, then Spike not doing it once he was wake they called those Potentials. They were hoping that with it being L.A that Buffy would come and see Angel and hopefully find out about Spike. It lucked out and now Spike is here where he belongs and needs to be. Those aren't the people they gave him though."

"Then who are?" Giles asked.

"Not more vampires I hope." Wood grumbled.

"No they gave him the four people that are the closest to him, metaphorically speaking of course, well mostly. Spike is immortal, once full healed he is immortal. And their hope was that he would be a protector and warrior with the Slayers until the end of days, but the problem with that is hoping he makes connections with each new generation for him to continue on and not retreat into himself and go into hiding. So they altered their plan once it had been six months with Spike in Hell. They made four other people immortal so they could be there beside him and along the way. Four people that deserve the award of never aging or dying. Four people that will be the start of a new generation for the good guys."

"So who are the four people?" Faith asked.

"Well two of them should be obvious, Buffy and Dawn." Whistler said.

"Wait what?" Dawn asked shocked.

"What?" Buffy asked just as shocked.

"You both are immortal, have been since Spike was released from the amulet. The woman he loves, a Slayer that has already died twice and saved the world so many times I've lost count. The original Slayer. You are now immortal and unable to be killed. With you being beside Spike you will then be able to work together and teach the new Slayers and future generations. You are the Power's most prized Slayer, the best they have ever had and for them to have you immortal was easy and only a matter of time." Whistler said.

"But why me?" Dawn asked.

"Because you are his Niblet. He loves you like a sister, your death would devastate him and your sister. Plus the Powers aren't too sure what would happen when you die from you being a mystical ball of energy. This way they never have to find out."

"Oh…cool. Does that mean I won't age anymore?" Dawn asked.

"No you are the only one who will, but only until you are twenty then you won't." Whistler answered.

"Cool." Dawn said with a smile.

"And the other two?" Kennedy asked.

"Xander and Willow." Whistler simply answered.

"Huh? Me?" Xander asked shocked.

"What?" Willow asked just as shocked.

"Why them?" Wood asked.

"Because Spike cares for them and they are a vital part to the foundation of the organization. Willow is a powerful witch and would be invaluable to the future generations. Xander is the heart of the team. His strength is in his heart and will to do good and what is right. Between the five of you, you will start the new generation, though there are rules of course."

"Which are?" Buffy asked.

"If any of you turn to the darkness and go evil you will lose your immortality for starters. For the obvious reasons. You will get injured and the injuries won't be healed immediately. You can still be put into a coma etc. but you will recover and be alright faster than a normal human. If you get married then your spouse will be immortal as well, but if you divorce then they will lose their immortality. Any children that is born from any of you will be immortal as well and that's the whole point of a new generation."

"The Powers that Be want to create a new generation, an actual new generation from the start?" Giles asked amazed that they would take this road.

"They had planned on it happening in the future, but you forced their hand with this spell. It was also only supposed to be Spike and Buffy that would be granted immortality, but again the spell changed things. Now when any of the five of you have children they will be immortal and they will grow to have their own children who are immortal and so on. Between your children and your future line they will fight next to the Slayers and eventually evil creatures that terrorise this world will be extinct."

"Why them and not someone else? Why not include Giles into it? He's a Watcher and the head of the Council wouldn't it have made sense for him to be immortal as well." Wood asked.

"Watchers can be trained and Giles' death wouldn't bother Spike. It was more about giving Spike something greater than just people to be around for all eternity. They were all picked for a reason outside of their powers." Whistler said.

"Being?" Faith asked.

"A family. Dawn and Willow are the sisters, Xander is the brother and Buffy in the future will be his wife and then the mother of his children." Whistler simply said.

"His what?" Buffy asked shocked.

"He can't have kids he's a vampire." Wood said.

"The Powers fixed that. You might want to start wrapping it once you get back to doing the horizontal tango." Whistler said with a smirk.

"Just because Spike could have children, that most certainly doesn't mean that Buffy would marry him or have children with him. The Powers can't make her." Giles said.

"No one does believe me. It's already been foreseen so prepare yourselves for a lot of sickly happy moments between these two. They get married and they have children. Children that will be fully human with heartbeats and a soul. They will just be very powerful with the DNA of a Slayer and a Master Vampire. Just like Willow's children will be powerful with magic and Xander's will be powerful with strong hearts and good will. The Powers are unsure what power Dawn's children will have with her being a Key. They could get part of her mystic power that they aren't even sure of. Your life is very much up in the air Dawn."

"Married and children. Holy crap." Buffy said clearly in shock.

"The future can always change Buffy. You don't need to feel obligated to being with Spike." Giles said.

"That's not it. That's not even close to it at all." Buffy instantly said with annoyance and strength to her voice.

"Look you can have that debate later. I really need to stress that Spike is vital to this new generation. Until he is fully healed physically he can be killed still and powerful enemies will come after him to try and stop the future from happening. The only reason any of you have been granted this gift is because the Powers want Spike, they need Spike. Until he has his immortality he needs protection to ensure the future of this world and the new generation. Without the new generation the evil will only grow and we risk losing the fate of the world to them." Whistler said in a completely serious voice for the first time since this conversation had started.

"Who else could know?" Buffy asked as her mind instantly shook off the shock of the new information of having children and being married to Spike.

"The Senior Partners for example. They are like the Powers for evil. They have offices all over the world including Rome. They will know that Spike has been back for three months and they will know something is going on with him that the Powers have given him. The Senior Partners are an entity that is connected to the First, the First wanted Spike dead for this very reason. The First could send his men here to try and kill Spike while he is in this period of in between." Whistler answered back.

"Are you saying the First could come back?" Buffy asked.

"The First is never gone. At least not yet. Our hope is that one day in the future someone will figure out how to destroy the First. With the First gone then all that is left will be the normal demons and evil that walk our streets. Spike is the biggest threat to the First's dream of having Hell on Earth. You destroyed his army, but he can always find more demons and vampires to lead a new charge. It's imperative that Spike doesn't die before he is immortal or it will all be for nothing."

"Spike is safe here. He's living in a building full of Slayers. We're not going to let anything to happen to him." Xander said with determination in his voice.

"I can't do this. I can't … I have to go." Spike said with a shaky voice and it was clear to everyone that his anxiety was through the roof. He was done.

"Ok, why don't you go back home and I'll be there in a minute babe." Buffy said calmly with complete understanding in her voice.

Spike just gave a shaky nod and headed for the elevator. Buffy watched him until he got into the elevator and out of her sight. Buffy turned back to the room and she could see the concern on the faces of everyone, but Giles and Wood.

"He's not used to being around people. It's been a lot for him today." Buffy said in Spike's defense.

"He's not okay Buffy. He's hiding a lot and it's not his fault. Until two weeks ago he didn't even speak. He's been conditioned through extreme torture to be a certain way. His body is in a lot of pain still. He needs help and he desperately needs protection." Whistler said.

"No one will get to him. I called Wesley though and he said that Spike was fine except for his bones being weak from lack of blood. Why lie about it?" Buffy asked angry and confused.

"He wouldn't have. The hospital Spike was in was at Wolfram and Hart. A vampire doesn't spend six weeks in a coma for nothing. The doctors hid just how much damage is still there in Spike, how much there was to begin with. They work for the Senior Partners who work for the First, they want Spike weak and vulnerable. They would have ran tests on him to see if they could find out what the Powers did to Spike it's unclear if they discovered it or not. It might be a good idea to run some magical test to see what Spike's true injuries are. A special ward might not be a bad idea either in case the First or another spook shows up here." Whistler said.

"So something could be seriously wrong with Spike and he would have no idea." Dawn said with worry.

"He would know what hurts, but chances are he doesn't understand what is causing the pain. The problem is Spike is used to pain. He's lived with horrific pain for twelve hundred and fifty-three years it's something he has grown used to. The idea of living without any pain is foreign to him. I would be surprised if he even remembered what that felt like. We're talking about twelve hundred and fifty-three years of torture here, he's not going to be ok for a long time assuming he ever is again." Whistler said sadly.

"It doesn't change that I love him. We can get him through it." Buffy said with strength to her voice.

"And that is something he won't understand. He won't understand why you love him when he can't be what you need. To Spike he's nothing, he's broken, useless. He won't understand why you love him, because he's never truly been loved before. Drusilla only used him and Harmony didn't love him. He loves unconditionally, but he's never been loved back. You need to have patience with him it'll take him time to understand." Whistler said.

"I have all the time in the world now." Buffy said.

"What can we do to help him heal?" Xander asked.

"Blood is the only thing that will help him heal physically. The problem is he's not used to it after so long so he has to go slow to get his body used to it again. It doesn't help that when he was awake he didn't eat for days at a time out of fear of what would happen if he did eat. That fear will still be there. Terror is running through him constantly and at times he'll be okay, but there will be times when he can't bring himself to leave your home. It's a very long road ahead of him." Whistler answered.

"We'll get him through it." Buffy said with confidence.

"I'll work on some wards to put up around here just in case. I can also see about a spell to check Spike out." Willow said.

"I'll talk to him about it. I don't want to do anything without his permission." Buffy said.

Willow nodded her understanding.

"These consequences you mentioned from the spell, what are they?" Giles asked.

"Don't know yet. Just know there will be some and pretty big to balance out the spell you did. All you can do is wait and see what will happen." Whistler answered.

"So Spike and Buffy get married and have children, don't suppose you know if any of the rest of us do." Xander said with an awkward smile.

"The five of you all get married and have kids, that's the point of the whole new generation. It's been foreseen. That doesn't mean things won't change as you live your lives, but good things are in store for you all. It's only fair after all of the pain you all have been through since you were sixteen. Your wife actually makes the Powers very happy to have immortal." Whistler said with a smile.

"Really? Who is she?" Xander asked with a smile.

"I can't tell you that, but you'll figure it out one day. Faith, no one can make you move, but for what it's worth the Powers aren't happy with you being in Cleveland and not here in London with the rest of them. It might be worth thinking about moving." Whistler said.

"Ya it's not really my thing, but I'll give it some thought." Faith said with a shrug.

"Please do. Well folks that's all for me. It's been fun. Good luck." Whistler said with a wave before he vanished into thin air.

"Well that was interesting." Kennedy said.

"Quite yes. It would appear that the Powers that Be have come up with a new game plan for all of us. We must proceed with caution and monitor this." Giles said.

"Monitor what? If we age at all?" Dawn asked.

"Immortal or not we don't have proof of it, only his word. You still must be cautious and not jump to any conclusions. Especially you Buffy. Just because he says in the future you and Spike marry and have children doesn't mean you have to. You are not obligated to Spike or that insane future they believe they foreseen." Giles said.

"Insane? So me being happily married with children is insane or is it just to Spike the man that I love who died and spent over twelve hundred years in Hell being tortured for the world. Which part is insane exactly?" Buffy asked defensively.

"Buffy please, Spike died to close the Hellmouth and that in itself is shocking. But don't let his most current actions cloud your judgement and memories of all the other horrible things he has done to you and everyone in the past. Don't let this be like your relationship with Angel all over again." Giles lectured.

"It will never be like that. Spike is not Angel. Spike has done some horrible things in his time and to me and my friends. But he is different. He started changing when he got that chip. He went and got a soul for me, to protect me from the small part of his demon that still had control. He is a good man and he loves me and I love him. The idea of him and me being married and having children running around doesn't disgust me or scare me even. I like the idea. I'm excited about it. Now if the four of us are immortal then we'll deal and we'll figure it out. For now I'm going home to be with my boyfriend, he needs me." Buffy said with strength to her voice.

"Let us know if there is anything you need." Xander said.

"Text me." Dawn said with a smile.

"I'll let you know." Buffy said with a smile before she turned to leave.

She went over to the elevator and once it arrived she got into it and hit the top floor. She was worried about Spike. She wasn't upset that he had kept how much pain he was in from her, because she could understand better now more than ever just how hard it was for him. She couldn't even begin to imagine the level of pain he was in after finding out he was in Hell that long. She didn't care if he was never a fighter again. She just wanted him to be okay and not in pain. Buffy arrived at the floor and she headed down the hallway and into the apartment. She walked in to see Spike pacing around scratching the back of his right hand again. Buffy knew he was struggling with the information he had just got dropped down on him. Buffy couldn't even imagine how he was feeling right now. It was a lot for her to take in and she hadn't spent over a millennium in Hell. Buffy closed the door and Spike jumped at the sound. He turned to see that it was Buffy and she gave him a small smile.

"It's ok, it's just me."

"He gone then?" Spike asked with a shaky voice.

"Yup he vanished into thin air." Buffy said as she went over to Spike.

She stopped him right by the kitchen by placing her hand over his hands to get him to stop the scratching.

"You're hurting yourself babe." Buffy said gently.

Spike looked down at his hands and saw that the back of his right hand was bleeding pretty good right now.

"I don't notice." Spike said softly.

"I know, it's okay. I know you are overwhelmed right now it was a lot of information. It was a lot for one day for anyone, but especially you. We'll figure it all out though."

"I don't want to be back there, but part of me doesn't want to be alive. It was horrible, but it was the same for so long. The same smell, same sound, same feel, every single day. Everything is different now and it's better, but it's harder and everything is different. I hated it there. I kept hoping that I could leave one day and now that I have part of me wants to be back there and I don't know how to make my mind stop thinking that." Spike said honestly with hurt in his voice.

Buffy held onto Spike's uninjured hand as she spoke with strength and conviction.

"It's normal. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it is. It's the same thing with people who have been captured for years or in those concentration camps. It was horrible, but they got used to the routines. They got used to being able to predict what was going to happen, they felt a safety in that. They got a form of Stockholm syndrome and that takes a while to correct. Your mind knows what happened to you was wrong, but the other part of your mind believes that it would be better to be back where that predictability is, that routine. It's not better though and you know that, you believe that. Here with me and Dawn and people who love and care about you is better than being back in that Hell."

"I know it's better here. I know there were good memories and moments, but I can't see any of them. All I can see is what happened in that place. I don't even have to close my eyes to see it. All I see is bad. And now I am immortal where I get to spend all eternity seeing it, trapped in Hell without even being there."

"Those images will eventually go away. I was in Heaven once and I got ripped out of there. I thought it was the worst pain I would ever experience. I thought living was my Hell and you showed me otherwise. When I found out that I was immortal part of me hated the idea that I would never get to go back to Heaven. That I would be stuck here for all eternity fighting. But then Whistler told us about how we have children one day and I thought about how it would feel to see our child grow up and our grandchildren and our great, great, great, great however many grandchildren grow up. Spike, we've been blessed with this rare gift we will never have to bury our children. Think about that and how we can watch them playing in the park. Their first steps, first words, first day of school. We get to experience that over and over again with each generation. Sounds like Heaven to me." Buffy said with a smile on her face.

"Sounds like paradise." Spike agreed with his own small smile.

"Ya it does and Dawnie will be there and we can see her children and Willow's and Xander's. There is so much we have to look forward to babe. You are not still trapped in Hell. You are on the road to Heaven, to paradise, our own paradise. Just focus on those images, those possible memories that are endless to find your way through the darkness. We will get through it together and we will be happy and in paradise one day. We can take it one minute at a time if you need to, I got all the time in the world. You can do this. We can do this."

Spike let out a shaky breath before he gave a nod.

"I love you." Buffy said.

"I love you."

"Let's wrap your hand so if you scratch it again then you'll hit the wrap ok?"

Spike gave a nod.

"I'll be right back the stuff is in the bathroom."

Buffy headed to the bathroom to grab a wrap from the first aid kit before she headed back out to Spike. Spike was running his hand under the water when Buffy returned. Buffy walked over to Spike and saw that the blood was gone. Spike turned the water off and Buffy gently took his hand and dried it off before she wrapped a tension wrap around his hand to protect it from him scratching it. Once his hand was wrapped Buffy spoke.

"You need to drink some blood."

"I'm not hungry right now."

"I know you are not use to eating, but we need to work on getting you back into that routine. Why don't we curl up the couch for a little while? I taped Passions for the past three days for you." Buffy said with a smile.

"I knew I loved you for a reason." Spike said with a small smile.

"Ya I'm pretty awesome."

Buffy said as she held onto Spike's hand and walked over to the couch. She grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned the TV on. Spike sat down in the corner and Buffy sat down side him and curled into Spike's chest and Spike wrapped his arms around her. Buffy turned on Passions and she just enjoyed the feel of Spike with her. She would worry about the rest tomorrow. For now it was just her and the man she loved curled up on the couch watching TV together.


	4. Follow Me- Update

Hello there!

I have begun a collection of new books for all ages from children's picture books to adult series that are being published online. You can connect with me and find out more information through my social media pages. I am working on finishing my novel called Satanic Inferno. It will be published through Kobo on March 1st, 2017. Check out my Facebook page for more information and a 10% discount code for the first few days of the release.

You have all followed me on Fanfiction and I am hoping you will continue to follow me now that I have transitioned into writing and publishing my own novels. But fear not I am still going to be working on Fanfiction and finishing all of my stories. I'm not going anywhere in that sense. All support would be greatly appreciated.

Thank-you so much to all of my loyal followers. Without you none of this would have been possible! If you have any questions or would like a sneak peek of my novel please Message me and I will send it your way.

Facebook: DianneRose2016


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